I have very little difficulty in saying most things but “I believe in God” is the hardest statement I want to say. Why? Because God is entwined with so much religion that is doesn’t sit comfortably with anything I believe in, hold close, treasure, or value. It is my nemesis, my rival, my arch enemy so to speak. Religion that is, not God.
And yet I do believe in God; a higher being that exists for me, whom I talk to, discuss my emotions, thoughts, decisions and feelings with. There is something bigger than I, and I usually stray into the words like universe, nature, cosmos, simply because “I believe in God” means something else in this world today and opens up a whole world that I do not wish to enter.
Just get on with it and don’t worry about anyone else’s interpretation I hear you say. I can’t, I simply can’t. I do not wish to be categorised. I do not wish to be placed in a box that society has defined. I have fought this my whole life and I do not wish to begin with that now.
So what is my belief system? It is all that goes with faith; kindness, love for my fellow humans, compassion, generosity of time and spirit, nature, protection of humankind and the environment – you know, all those things that religion was based on but in the main, sadly forgotten, maybe that is harsh, let’s say pushed aside.
My God is a loving one, who doesn’t threaten mistakes or bad choices with hell, doesn’t judge, doesn’t criticise my lifestyle or life choices, and they are one with no male/female form; they just are. They guide me, teach me, help me grow into a better human and are there for me when life is hard or complicated or I am lost in its wilderness.
I don’t have a church that I go to but I like to sit in a space where I feel close. I don’t have hymns or readings but I do find music that connects me with them and study nature and people through the environment in which I live. I don’t have need for idols or fine clothing stating importance and figureheads, but I do like to light a candle when I pray, as the light within God connects me to the light within me through it.
Prayer. Now there is a another thing. What is prayer to me? It is something that I do every morning as I drink my cup of tea and sit in nature. It is conversation, it is gratitude and thanks for all I have, it is wishing well to all I know, the country I live in and the people within it and it is wishing peace and love to the world. That I think is where I glance the hearts and minds of those who sit better than I with religion. We all want the same thing; how we go about it is simply different.
I don’t dislike religious people, I love them as much as I love anyone, I simply don’t like or understand the need for living life based on a book that is written by man to suit those who were more powerful and wished to rule by fear. I have always loved to sit in a church, with incense and music and peace but it has never sat well with me to be told I am a sinner if I don’t live my life according to that book. I know I can take from it the parts that do resonate with me but that for me, is like being complicit to a narcissist, or knowing someone is being cruel and harming another human and not saying anything. You cannot pick and choose the parts that suit you and ignore the rest; that is not being true to myself or my belief system.
To me it doesn’t matter who or how the world was created; it matters that I take care of what I have in the best way I can. I don’t need to live by a set of rules prescribed and be admonished if I fall away from them. I have my own core values that I try to live by and if I fail, I simply try harder going forward. I forgive those who hurt me, I give a safe space to those struggling and I love all life. Am I an angel? Ha ha no! Do I make errors in judgement? Absolutely yes, and then I try my hardest to rectify them. Am I perfect? No, because there is always something I can improve on. Do I believe in something, somewhere that is greater than myself? Absolutely yes. This world is a magnificent place, most humans are full of love and care and compassion and there is something moving me to know more.
Do I believe in God? Yes. Do I judge those that find peace in religion? No. Do I wish that all faiths understood they are all looking and believing in the same thing in just a different way? Yes. So why, if asked, do I find it so hard to say I believe in God in a public situation? Maybe I fear being judged. Maybe I fear being categorised or criticised. Maybe I fear the power that this statement gives me inside. That, my friend, I am yet to work out and on.
The Energy Magnet 