The secret is out

Do you keep secrets? I do. Not the sordid secrets that you can’t tell anyone for fear of ending up in the Daily Mail, but those precious secrets that you don’t want to tell anyone for fear that if you do they will no longer be just yours. They are the place, the moment, the person you go to when you are tired, sad, emotional or needing peace. They are beautiful memories that you treasure deep inside yourself and no one else can ever take away.

I have a memory journal that I write in and how it’s changed. I used to write in it on bad days when I wasn’t coping and needed to express my raw hurting, my sadness, my pain, pictures the black dog in my life was creating with his depressive thoughts. Somewhere down the line these changed and now they are filled with memories I treasure, thoughts that make me smile and my inner most thoughts and dreams.

In the back of this journal is a small pouch I keep special memories in. Silly things to most I guess but there will be a train ticket, a theatre stub, a postcard, a receipt for a special meal. All sorts of weird and wonderful items but to me they are priceless as they are memory joggers. Picking one of these up transforms me back to that place, event, or person and I can feel the smile on my lips.

These secrets, some call them memories, are priceless to me as they recall moments I can never have again with certain people, they hold a moment in time that couldn’t possibly be repeated and yet they can never be taken away. I’m curious as to what secret is in your head, what makes you smile when no one else knows why? What secret do you have that you wouldn’t even tell your best friend and why do you keep it to yourself?

Doris Day is drowning out my thoughts as I write “once I had a secret love, that lived within the heart of me. All too soon my secret love, became impatient to be free. So I told a friendly star, the way that dreamers often do. Just how wonderful you are and why I’m so in love with you. Now I shout it from the highest hills, even told the golden daffodils. At last my hearts an open door, and my secret loves no secret anymore.”

Should you share? Should you let them out, even if only to the stars and daffodils? Should you set your secret free? Maybe just to one person. The person that created them with you so they know how you feel, what wonder you get from thinking about that time, place or person. Keep a secret from the secret provider and they may go forever without realising what a special person they are. Who knows what magic and new secrets that conversation could make….


Time to dance

Those of you who know me know my passion for dance, to dance. To be able to give your whole being up to a piece of music and be lost in its rhythm, its beat, its conversation between the notes is the most powerful sensation I can think of. To share that with another human being is off the scale.

Many of us got enthralled by Strictly Come Dancing at the back end of last year, many without having any knowledge or experience of dance in any form and yet were swept away by the colour, the movement, the passion, the sensuality, the intricate steps and skill it takes to achieve them and make them delight those watching. Why? How?

Simple. That was the magic of dance. It captivates, enthrals, captures you and takes you on a journey, to places in your dreams, inside your soul. It holds you in its breath, you’re held, a pause, a stillness where nothing else exists. A silence. Then it transports you to wherever you allow it to. 

Now is my time to dance. That doesn’t mean getting my dance shoes on or watching a tv show. This means taking myself to my inner self and capturing the passion that dance provides to me and using it wisely in my world, in my work, in my studies, with my family, with those I love. Entering that realm where I am lost to all except what needs to be. Where peace is found and yet is surrounded with all that makes my heart beat louder, stronger, rhymically. 

I live every day in a world I have chosen to be in. I fill it with all those I love and I live my purpose, every single day. My time is now. My purpose is to love and to heal. My reason is to make sure no one else goes where I have been, where it is dark, and sticky and painful. My heart is in all I do and I wear it on my sleeve and offer it to anyone who can return it. 

So I ask where your passion lies, what dance do you choose to dance (mine is and always will be the Argentine Tango), what emotions does it create inside you and how will you play out the steps? Who will you share your purpose with and what is the rhythm? Fast, steady, slow and rhythmic? Do you know the reason you do what you do? Are you prepared to change the dance style if it’s not feeling right? Are you willing to match someone else’s tempo or are you ready and willing to go solo?

Listen to your inner self. Play the music. Dance like you’ve never danced before. Dance like the world is about to end. Be passionate, be stylish, be amazing!

Painting pictures 

I love to paint; water colour. They are never brilliant or accurate and I don’t ever share them with anyone. I simply paint what I feel about what I see. 

I find words the same. There’s something quite sensual, creative and satisfying about being able to show someone a picture of what is in your head with only words. Painting a picture for someone through the written word or speech is a gift, a pleasure and a skill which should be engaged in often. 

Imagine allowing someone else to see how beautiful they are to you by creating a masterpiece in words. Imagine sketching them, colouring them as you see them; maybe hues of red and gold or splashes of a rainbow shimmering in the sunshine. Imagine allowing them to see through your eyes how they sit within your soul. 

If you could draw for me, in words, how you see the greatest love in your life I wonder what I would see. If you could tell me their shape; would it be solid and square or curvaceous and softly pencilled in. Their colour, is it bold and vibrant or pastel; maybe black and white or a solid block of single hue? Would they be a small neat pencil drawing or a bold paintbrush splash abstract depiction? 

Think in words how they make you feel. Think how you describe their nature, their most daring characteristic, their level of intellect and ability to capture you in conversation. Put into words what you see when they say your name. Put into words your life without them in it. 

Play with your language, your vocabulary and paint me a picture with your words, from your soul. Create me a masterpiece. 

Timing is everything

Have you ever had those moments when things happen and it feels like everything is just perfectly timed, all your ducks are lined up and the stars are aligned for you? Timing in life is absolutely crucial and time itself is a very strange concept. We chase time, we yearn for time and we crave time to ourselves and yet we waste time constantly.

Time when its on your side is an absolute blessing. You may have to wait for the universe to give you what you are waiting for though, in its version of the “right time”, that is when the universe knows it’s right, not when you want it to be. I’m going to call this synchronicity – “a phenomenon where an event in the outside world meaningfully coincides with a psychological state of mind”.

Have you ever had those moments when you have tried to set something up, a business venture, a new contact, meeting an old acquaintance, a house move or a reconciliation with someone you’ve fallen out with or realising a dream? Did you try, did you wish, did you desire yet it was as though the whole world was against you achieving? Nothing you tried seemed to achieve the goal or in fact allowed you to get started? Was the timing wrong?

I have experienced life when the timing of things has been out of my control but on review the timing actually experienced was perfect. I was always one who wanted things now, no patience! I have learnt that life sometimes plays a timing game and makes me wait until it’s ready. Teasing me with thoughts, dreams, ambitions and holding them tantalizingly close but never quite allowing me to reach. I put them on one side and then out of the blue a call, a “chance” meeting, a letter through the door, a contact made and the universe delivers. It’s as though you have to let go of the need to receive.

Sometimes you must wait weeks, sometimes months, sometimes years but wait you must and wait you will because the world has to be ready, you have to be ready. Maybe you have more to learn, maybe you need to be emotionally stable, maybe you have to experience life, grow, age, mature. Then and only then will the stars align and those ducks will line up in a perfectly straight row.

How beautiful is timing – when you have a desire and the universe delivers.

What is your desire? Your dream? Your passion is to create what? Are you getting frustrated that its not happening? Step back. Let it go a while. Wait. If it is meant to be it will be delivered, usually when you least expect it so when it arrives cherish it, nurture it, love it, enjoy it, make it the success you always knew it could/would be.

Don’t let it go because this is your time, the universe just said so!



Too much to say

I have so many thoughts this morning and have written three blogs already, none of which will ever be finished because they were all just words and no meaning. I’m not a great believer in doing things for the sake of as my time and energy is precious and I like to use it wisely and with those who deserve, need or want it, so this is short.

If you have something to say to someone, take the bull by the horns today, choose your words carefully and say them from your heart. Whether they are good, angry, frustration, love or simply things that need saying for your or their inner peace, get them out there. You can say them, write them, sing them, create a poem but get them from the inside out and deliver them as a gift. Not in anger, not with hate. Those words fall on barren ground and leave you hurting, frustrated and empty. Always with love, yes even for those you dislike as they need love more than anyone (it might just warm their heart).

I am pretty good at expressing myself nowadays but I’m absolutely rubbish at confrontation or saying things I know are going to hurt the other person so I avoid those as long as possible. A skill I really must get better as it just festers inside me and when it does come out, it’s all twisted, upside down and never expressed as it sounded in my head.

Never be afraid of verbalising what is inside you but write it down first if you are new to expressing yourself and feel comfortable with what you need to say. Take a deep breath. Know it can never be as bad as you imagined. 

If you are giving bad news, I wish you strength. If you are dealing with someone you dislike or struggle with, I wish you calm and inner peace. If you are declaring your love, I wish you a happy ending. If you are letting go, I wish you courage. 

Do you care?

Who or what do you care about? Children? Friends? Small animals? Reputation? What others think? Health? Image? Money? Career? Yourself? Politics? Refugees? War? Mother Nature? Do you care at all? Are you passionate enough about anything to try and make a difference?

We can’t individually save the world, stop a war, feed the starving or save the polar caps from melting but take it back a step and look at what you can do, what small incremental positives can you bring to what you care about to begin making a difference – no matter how small.

Each seemingly insignificant step you take to care about something means you are one step closer to making it better, improving, loving, repairing, solving. Every tiny difference you make to your lifestyle, way of living, thought process creates an impact and little by little these join together to create a huge leap into a world you never thought you would see.

If you see something that you think should be changed, improved, done differently, do you make your mark on it or decide that you won’t make a difference so someone else can do it? They are bound to have more to give! More time, more money, more effort, more love, more intelligence, more passion….

Absolute nonsense – you being the passionate you I know you are, can make a change and that will inspire someone else to do the same and if they are of the same heart as you that is double the effort. Imagine if someone else then saw and joined in and they inspired someone else….. think how huge this impact could be, beginning with just your one small act.

“How do we change the world? One random act of kindness at a time.”

If you see someone in pain, care enough to help take it away. If you see someone sad, give them a smile. If you witness violence, show them how to love. If you see chaos, bring them order. If you see negativity, give them hope. It doesn’t have to be earth shattering and its definitely not at a cost, unless you keep it to yourself and then it isn’t just that/them that loses out, its you too. As people, as a world, we are worth more than that I think!

What will you do today – walk by or stop and ask if you can help? Do you care? Really? You may not change the world but you can change yours. This is turn changes others. Together we can change the world but it begins with you and I taking responsibility for the piece we can make an impact on. Let’s begin today….




More than one way of feeling lost?

We all feel lost and loss at some point in our lives and recently I have had that feeling in the very pit of my stomach and not understood it as I’m very happy. It felt wrong to feel so good but have something missing at the same time. Then I realised that there is more than one way to feel  lost.

I remember as a child feeling lost when I couldn’t see anyone I was supposed to be meeting and I cried. I didn’t know what to do, where to go and felt abandoned. Looking back it was ridiculous as I was 20 minutes from home, knew the way and was simply earlier than I need to be! It stays with me still though.

There is also that moment when you don’t know which way you should be heading in life. You know there is somewhere else you would rather be but you aren’t quite sure of its location and therefore which way you should be heading to arrive there. It’s an emptiness that can haunt you, paralyse you from making any move at all or can make you complacent and stay where you are – from sheer laziness or bloody-mindedness.

Loss itself. Loss, whether it be the loss of a life, a friend, a parent, a partner, a child or just leaving someone behind that you care for whilst you go your separate ways, even temporarily, can be totally intolerable. That emptiness, that gap inside, that feeling like part of you has being taken away even though you appear physically to have all you began with. It’s a black hole, it’s loud, it’s lonely, it’s cold and it is a feeling you can neither name or picture, you just know its there inside you.

Then there is my real favourite because being lost is sometimes an absolute joy and blessing. I am a hopeless romantic so for me it’s that moment when you fall into someone’s eyes and lose all sense of time and space. When they seem to drink you in and hold you, capture and captivate you and a single second can seem like hours.

I know which my loss is now and that makes me comfortable with it. I can deal with what I know to be and trust the universe to guide me to make the best of it. I think what I am saying is that it is actually okay to feel lost on the understanding that you firstly know what the loss is, how it feels, where it began, its cause. After that you can learn to accept it, move on maybe, never hide from it, always be honest to others about it, share it, and maybe even celebrate it. In that moment of acknowledgement or sharing you may find the loss is smaller or has even left you, no matter how temporarily.

Leaping into the unknown

Change. I’m not sure anyone could honestly say they are totally comfortable with it. I’m not convinced that many people really like it at all and would consider it a friend. More of an acquaintance that you need in your life to grow, progress, challenge and lift you to another level.

A leap of faith I think I might like to call it because although change can be planned, thought through, considered, well executed, you never, ever know that it’s going to work as you originally expected. There’s others free will to come into consideration, there are obstacles you didn’t originally see and you may find as you begin the change process that you actually would like to take this in a different direction…..

What change your mind half way through? Is that allowed? Absolutely yes and why? Because this is all about your change, your choices, your need to succeed and it is all in your control. Amazing isn’t it!

I have stayed in relationships, in jobs, in situations well past their sell by date because of fear. Fear of what would happen if I just let go and made choices that I knew deep down I needed to make. Fear of not knowing if I was going into something better. Fear of what people would say, what they would think. Fear of the new and fear of losing the old. Fear of change itself.

When I stepped away from corporate into self employment my biggest fear was not earning enough money and failing. I soon realised that if I feared both of those they were going to control me and what I did and I would always have those expectations of myself. I had to change. Then it got strange because once I realised this new career was working I began to fear the success, a prosperous client base, new business and referrals. This is where the magic happened, where fear became belief. 

Belief in my abilities, belief in my drive, belief in myself, belief that I could achieve anything and everything I decided was needed. I believed in me for the first time in many years and I was making choices for my life. My leap into the unknown was paying off.

Therefore, as usual, I turn the tables and ask you to consider what your leap into the unknown would be if you made one today? What’s is burning into your brain and your heart to do? What gets you excited just thinking about it and how would it make you feel if you did it, had it, loved it, every single day? So what’s stopping you? I know you will come up with 1001 things like paying bills, the mortgage, the rent, people not approving or thinking you’re mad, it’s scarey, it’s new and I totally understand but sometimes the risk is outweighed by ‘what if….’

What if you succeed, what if you love it, what if it gives you more satisfaction, joy, prosperity. What if it’s the best move you ever made. What if it changes your life and those around you – for the better. And what if it doesn’t I hear you ask well you gave it a go, you lived the dream for a while and you stop, breathe and make another change don’t you!

Life is too damn short to be fearing living it.

Reset button pressed 

Poor sleep patterns, constant tiredness, head funk, mixed emotions, sensitivity and the desperate need to know where life is going do not give you peace of mind. Clarity of thought is gone, time seems to run away with you and nothing seems to quite fit. It’s like someone has given you a jigsaw but didn’t tell you not all the pieces will fit as they are from a different one.

Then you take yourself or your thoughts away to somewhere where everything is different and clarity seems to arrive. The reset button is pushed and the jigsaw is now easy to complete as you can see the pieces that no longer belong. It’s a yin and yang moment where two halves, which move independently, perfectly well, suddenly join and become one. It all makes sense.

The past is let go, clarified, put to rest and because of this, the future suddenly takes on a different picture, a different feel, a peace that has not been seen or felt in a long time. Sleep comes, head funk is washed away and the need to know is only about today. All has just been reset, is exciting once more and holds endless possibilities and opportunities you had never even imagined could be yours.

Are you living in your own life but it doesn’t feel quite right, like you are sometimes a guest rather than the owner? Do you feel like you are driving it but someone else has their foot on the pedals? Is your sleep so poor that you cannot think straight? Do you feel like some parts of your life are working well but there’s only half of it available to you? Get your finger ready then as its time to reset that button!

This is going to take some soul searching, a great deal of sitting in front of the mirror and facing up to what you see and more than likely revisiting parts of your life, parts of you that will be difficult, uncomfortable and oh so scarey. If you are determined to take back control you won’t question this for too long. If your gut tells you this year is the time you become the you you are passionate about, then let’s go. I feel the need to share, I feel the need to talk about things, I feel the need to make my dreams a reality and I’m trusting how I feel this morning that it’s time. I hope your ready to come with me….

Travelling in the dark

This morning I am on a train and it’s still dark as the day hasn’t quite started. It’s a strange feeling knowing you are travelling at speed and yet all you can see is the occasional light flashing as you speed past. No sense of place, no sense of control and no sense of how far your have travelled until that voice shouts over the tanoy to tell you which station you are in.

Life’s a bit like that sometimes isn’t it. We travel along blindly, in the dark and usually at such speed we miss all the beautiful scenery around us. Sometimes you need to get off and walk a while or even travel by steam train so you can take in the atmosphere and recapture a time gone by. Less speed, more beauty, more time to breathe in the air.

I can see the dawn beginning to my side, a pale pink sky peaking out from above the buildings I begin to see. More people scuttling about, cars, vans and buses finding their way through as their working day commences. We slow down and the lights increase in brightness as we arrive at the next station, glaring, fluorescent noise in the gentle stillness of the dark.

Like life, if we slow down we can see more of what’s happening around us. Turning on the lights in our heads gives clarity, and whilst that can sometimes be too bright it does allow us to see everything around us. When you don’t know exactly where you are you most definitely cannot see how far you have come. We need to acknowledge the distance and congratulate ourselves. It can be a long and difficult journey therefore every bump, twist and turn deserves acknowledgement.

My journey today is relatively straightforward and now the day has dawned I can see the beauty in the rolling fields, horses running after being set free and a world beginning to wake around me. I’m lucky in that most days feel like this now but it’s been a hard learning curve to get to it. Each step you take is like arriving at another station and when you arrive at your destination remember to acknowledge the whole journey.