Pen and Paper – Really?

When we take a pen and paper and open our minds and hearts to how we feel, what we are thinking, what we can see, hear and touch, or how smells and tastes affect us, we create magic.

Busy lives mean we compartmentalise our thoughts, feelings and emotions. We act on auto pilot and we can forget to express ourselves. A pen and paper invite us to do just that. Once of the oldest forms of expression we have.

An invitation: permission to express, discover how we really feel within the world of our subconscious self. The side of us we don’t always allow to hold a conversation with us. The side we are often too afraid to set free.

So, you have a pen and paper – but what to write? So often we cannot think of anything we want to say so we don’t begin or we crash out our thoughts on a keyboard, often in anger or frustration. Letters, creating words which are lacking in care, because their format is already pre-set and even. Handwriting will vary with the words, emotion, and the speed of thought to paper and become a picture of expression in itself. You may take time over how each word looks if the meaning is important to you.

Stop. Put your pen down. Take a breath. Close your eyes and take another breath and listen. To what? Listen to your thoughts. Keep your eyes closed and look into the dark recess of your head. The words are there. They may be humorous, they may be a double edged sword. They may be free and easy or hard to distinguish. They may make you laugh or cry or go to places you’ve tried to bypass for many years, but you can see them. Set them free…

Imagine being a word, a sentence, a paragraph or a whole story – wouldn’t you like to see the light of day once more and feel the air, the warm sunlight, the breeze as you move around and create shape and form on a page. Isn’t it time to release the old, musty, suffocating and stuck emotions attached to yourself. You have fear and sadness and anger wrapped around each of your letters. Set yourself free…

Find those words inside, talk to them, assure them that once you open the door and they flow from the pen that they will no longer hold emotions that make them feel overwhelmed and out of shape. No longer owned by you, they are free – no more attachment – no more past, just shape and form and colour on a page – a thing of beauty once more – no longer held back or embittered with unhealthy emotion and attachment to the past.

So, when you feel a moment where you need to express whatever is inside, visit those words in your head as you would an old friend and ask if they’d like to be set free and join with the words living in your heart. I am certain with encouragement and patience and the desire to be set free they will happily come forth and fill a page. Make their new home beautiful quality paper or a beautiful notebook – somewhere they deserve to live – and write them out with a beautiful pen and they will not only be happy to flow but will also create a work of art that is part of you. No longer angry or sad, but art created by your heart.

Read it back out loud and release them into the universe – free them from all they have meant to you – allow them to be words, just words, once more. No longer emotional baggage, no longer with a hateful sound – just words that can now move on and create new sentences and phrases – just like you – renewed, empowered and free to choose where they head next.

Why journal? It’s important to release, to let go, to create something new from an old story no longer serving you. Recycle without the emotional attachment. Let those words tell your story and then let them go – they are no longer yours – they no longer have an attachment to you, for you or to your past. They are simply beautiful words, enabling a language we should nurture and be proud to own, flowing across a page creating a picture of peace, breath and new beginnings.


Take my hand….

Who are you?

I type into a blank screen, sharing my thoughts, my highs and my lows never knowing who is reading, who is reacting for good or for bad, who is helped and who simply closes the screen and moves on. I don’t mind and it doesn’t really matter because if I have impacted one person today then I feel tapping at this keyboard, baring my soul some days to the universe, has served my purpose and in doing that, has served you.

Whilst I talk of my feelings, my emotions, my experiences, my high and lows, my love, my anger and my frustrations, I know that somewhere out there others are experiencing exactly the same thing – I am not alone and neither are you. I listen, I watch, I hear, I feel and I touch. Those who need these gifts from me will receive them, those that do not, won’t – it is as simple as that.

I used to want to help the world – my ego said it was the best way to behave – my ego is a complete ass!

I can only help those in need. I can only help those who connect with who I am and how I experience life. I can only connect with those who want to change. I can only connect if I  keep sharing, no matter how hard and uncomfortable this sometimes is. I can only connect if I am open, honest, truthful and my authentic self. I can only connect if you see, feel, hear and are touched by my written word.

What you see with me is what you get – I may not have all the airs and graces of some, I may not have the image, the looks or the panache of others. I may not be an intellectual, I may not be a high flying business woman. I may not be the best mum in the world and I may not be the most pc. I may not be the most motivational. But…. if you need me I am enough.

So who are you?

Are you overwhelmed by life? Are you wondering how the hell you’ve arrived at where you are? Did you look at yourself in the mirror this morning and wonder where you’ve gone? Did you forget to tell your kids or your partner that you loved them today – how long is it since you said it to them… or yourself? Have you cried this week for no reason? Have you rolled your eyes at bureaucracy stopping you from doing what you need to instead of doing what you need to? Have you lost faith in all around you? Have you lost belief in yourself? Have you stopped learning? Have you stopped laughing? Are you on autopilot through most of your day? Do you live in the past or daydream constantly of what might be?

Come on… talk to me.

Share yourself with me. No one else can hear you. No one else can see you. It is just you and me – I give you space to be, space to talk, space to be silent, space to cry, space to laugh, space to grow and space to shine.

Give me a sign that you are ready for the next part of your journey. It doesn’t have to be public – you can private message me. Just trust me and know that I know where you are, how you feel and am here for you – just you.

What ya doin?

Right now, right this second what are you doing?

I wonder how many actually had to check as you are on autopilot? I wonder how many are sat playing on your phones? I wonder how many are doing something you love? I wonder how many are worrying about bills, illness, things they have to do later this week or month or year? I wonder how many are worrying about the past? You may see where I am going now….

I wonder how many are present right this second and are neither looking back or forward but just enjoying today, now, right this second. I don’t wish to be negative but I think you are in the minority.

I had a conversation today and I heard myself say how much I live in the present. Well I do, that wasn’t a lie but do I really do it all the time? No of course I don’t – I allow my past behaviours and my ego to join me and they can drag me backwards or force me to look ahead and worry that I am not going to be good enough, successful enough, financially secure and continue to press all those other buttons that set the stress levels heading to the sky. Does it worry me that I am so easily sidetracked? No not really. I am okay with acknowledging that is what I am doing, stop and then forgive myself. I am after all, human.

So often we don’t forgive ourselves and we allow our ego to keep nipping at our heels telling us “see I knew you couldn’t do it”, “I knew you were weak and lacking in discipline”, or “see it’s better this way, life is so much easier”. Tell your ego to do one and take back control.

This present, this now, this right here this second is where you live. You cannot change what has gone, what decisions and choices you made, who you interacted with or didn’t; all you can do with the past is learn from it. The future is only what you make it to be. Second guessing, make believe, day dreaming or deciding what it looks like before you even get there is absolute rubbish and a waste of this precious gift we have – time. Now. It is actually all we have and it’s short and in the blink of an eye you’ve already moved on. What you do, choose, decide, create NOW, IS YOUR FUTURE.

I have lost time with the people most precious to me – my children – because I was always fearing what lay ahead and not dealing with where I was. Always dreaming that life would be better instead of working in that moment to make sure of it. I was always playing “do you remember when…” to try and capture the happy times instead of enjoying the ones I had with me in that moment in space and time. I will not lose any more. Today is a beautiful day because that is how I choose to live it. This second, this hour, this day, this night will not go wasted because I will use every single second I am given to make my world a better place.

Selfish making my world better? No. If I don’t get my own house in order and live the life I profess others to live I’m a charlatan, a fraud, a liar, a sales pitch from one of our 21st Century Guru’s and I am not authentic. That last one to me is the biggest of all. Without authenticity I am nothing. Without authenticity I may as well give up what I do, shut up and go back to day dreaming and what if.

So what’s it to be? Past? Present? Future? Ego or Authenticity?

All you do is talk, talk, talk

So many words. So much chatter. So much noise. This world is simply too much for me sometimes and I need step away, find my personal space and live there for an hour or two. Why you ask? To regain my peace, my sanity, my joy, my perspective, my confidence and my love of humankind. All those things that get side stepped or lost in the noise.

Tell me this, talk to me about that, remind me how wonderful you are and how simple and naïve I am. Overpower me with your clever words and manipulation. Tread on my heart and take away my breath of joy by belittling me once more. Knock me down. Beat me. Give me words, words, words – those ones you think so clever and wise yet are so poisonous and mean. Tell me how great you are, tell me how lowly I am. Talk at me and not to me and make me weak with tiredness and lack of self esteem.

Tell me all this but remember one thing….. I am enough and no matter what you say, how you treat me, how you try and make me feel – I will beat you, beat this feeling because I AM ENOUGH.

How dare you question my integrity! How dare you knock me when I’m down! How dare you take my insecurities and throw them back at me as your weapon! How dare you stand above me to make me feel small! How dare you think you are better than I – we are different and there is no measurement of ‘better’ in this life. Being better in todays world is narrow minded, bitter and says you think and care for no one but yourself. This is not my world and I refuse to live in yours.

I live in the world I talk about. I live and breathe my words. I care. I love. I inspire others. I give. I live not exist. I have joy. I have positivity. I have peace and tranquility. I have a light inside me that I shine for everyone to take some warmth from. I am a beginner in some things and an expert in others and I will ask to understand and I will speak to share what I know. I am brave, I am courageous, I am smart, I am a healer and I am me. Nothing more. I am all I can be and if that is not enough then feel free to walk on by until you find what you seek.

Talk, talk talk and act only when it suits you. When your ego needs caressing, when your ego is feeling sad and small. Talk and fool those around you if you like, but me? I see through you. I see your heart. I know you. I see what you are really made of. I just wish you’d show the rest of the world, all of the time, what I see in brief moments of reality.

I am more than I appear to be. All the world’s strength and power rests inside me. This holds true within you too if only you would put your ego on hold….


Version 2.0

To breathe, a breath, is the very beginning of you. When you and I came into the world the very first thing we did was take a breath and yet as we age and allow life to get complicated and take over, we forget that very simple beginning. When you do stop, take in that air from the universe around you and breathe out all that you have been holding in, it’s the most magical, transforming breath you have ever taken since the very beginning of your life; this life you have before you. A rebirth? A new lease of life? A new beginning. For me it’s Version 2.0.

When I realised my life was going oh so very wrong, to be shown that stopping, reflecting and then taking a breath would be my life saver was a momentous occasion and now it’s time to pay that forward.

What I do really is not magical, it’s certainly not clever or rocket science. It is simply taking someone like you by the hand to slow you down, standing back to give you the space you need and then, in time with yours, taking a breath. If you are ready, if you are willing, if you can open your mind and your heart to the fact that life doesn’t have to stay the same when you give yourself the gift of choice. We will breathe like never before. The universe will fill our lungs that have been tight and constricted; the universe will give life to the deepest, darkest spaces and light will appear.

No this isn’t some hippie, out there sh*t – this is back to basics, back to the dawn of your first day and re-teaching you to do what came naturally at that first moment you came into the world. This is enabling you to begin again.

I’m living my Version 2.0 life and in fact have probably installed upgrades often to fix bugs and errors many times since but the version I am is now so far removed from 1.0 it’s almost feeling like a total reboot. Almost but quite a total reboot as I have carried with me learning and traits that serve me and therefore serve those around me. I don’t have a manual, I don’t have a set of instructions, this version upgrade is all about you and we begin from where you currently are and what fabulous basics you already hold inside you.

So what am I offering? My time, my space, my conviction that everyone can breathe a new breath if they choose to and my faith that every person out there struggling with the bugs and irritants in their current version deserves, is worthy of and can be anything they choose to be. Need an upgrade?



Just a vessel…..

I saw a lovely quote today about what a therapist does and it got me thinking…. what do I actually do to earn a living?

I’m nothing more than a vessel….

That doesn’t sound very productive, satisfying or fruitful when you put it like that does it. God do I actually do anything or am I a fraud, just someone pretending they can heal and serve people?

It’s an uncomfortable place I am sitting in even contemplating this. Why uncomfortable? Because the only proof I have that I do anything is the person I am working with. They feel better yes but have I done anything or is this just the placebo effect? Does it really matter which it is? So many thoughts and questions and bundles of self doubt….

Many questions, many self doubts, many answers that could be given.

So lets contemplate what I actually do? Physically I massage and relax. Emotionally I empower someone to face and release. Energetically I shift, I slow down, I speed up. Mentally I create breath. Spiritually I allow peace to settle in. Okay so that sounds like I’m dong something right?

Let’s think about this. Someone comes to me, they are a businessman or woman;  they are someone struggling with bereavement; they are mentally exhausted; they are stressed, overworked or overwhelmed. They are trying to be many things to many people. There is noise in their heads and they can no longer hear anything or anyone never mind think straight or find peace. They know that change is required for them to be a better person, feel better, be present, love, laugh, live. They don’t know what to do to find that because the noise is too loud to even concentrate. They call me…

I invite them to my treatment room, my quiet space and we talk. Nothing more. We need to see if there is a connection. They have to feel comfortable with me and I have to know they are ready.

Only then can the magic begin and we begin their journey with a massage. This is not your sports massage or your deep tissue – this is pressure, weight, a slow and firm and flowing pressure; this is creating a space in their heads, not for them to think but for them to breathe; allowing energy from the universe to travel through me to them and vice versa. Making a safe space for them to open emotional boxes they have kept locked; say something, everything or nothing. That is the joy this isn’t about me or what I want them to do, this is about me creating a space for them to do; learn to do; try to do whatever they need to reach the point they need to be at.

After that we may do sessions where we walk and talk, we may try some reiki, we may stick to massage or we may just catch up once a week on skype to check in and talk through anything that has cropped up during the week. We keep in touch. We build a relationship. We communicate. We do whatever is required.

Oh! I am a vessel. Not a hollow, useless one but a safe, quiet, gentle, loving vessel that someone who needs to change can utilise to find themselves, to heal themselves, to be themselves; to be.

Wow I love my job. No! I don’t have a job – I have a passion, a calling, a purpose.






The Blink of an Eye or Forever?

How long does it take someone to let go? For some it can take a lifetime and for some in the blink of an eye.   Firstly let’s see if you are asking this of someone else or yourself. Are you living with someone, working with someone, loving someone who is in need of letting go? If you are, let me make it clear that you should never put a timeframe on their transformation as it is none of your business – this is their personal journey. All you can do is be there and walk alongside them.  Also realise that you should never try to put a timeframe on your own journey…. you will always feel a failure as it will always feel it is taking too long.

We live in a world of instant gratification and yet some things simply take a while and you have to let them take all the time they need. Acceptance of this is key to letting the process evolve. Acceptance that at some point they or you will find a time and place where it’s that moment and all you can do is simply surrender to all you are holding in and it flows from you, either in tears, thoughts, anger, or simply a breath that seems to go on forever. It will be as though your body can contain it no more and it has to come out. It would be like trying to hold back a dam with your hands – impossible.

If you know there is work to be done then you are already taking huge steps to change, grow, transform. That recognition alone is a long way down your experience so acknowledge that and give yourself a well done pat on the back. If you feel you are making progress then be grateful for how far you have come. Never look back unless it is to see how far you have already progressed – sometimes it’s good to take a glance over your shoulder as it is easy to forget how many battles you have won and how many changes, even small ones, you have already made.

If I look over my shoulder I can’t even see the me I was and unless someone shows me a photo or brings up something from the past I have no recollection of the person I was then – not even six years ago, in fact maybe not even three and hell anything farther back and I simply don’t exist. It is like someone has given me a new body, a new headspace and a new pair of eyes to see my world with. I do see me from my early 20’s as that is where I was at my happiest and most comfortable and most free. The she then is the me now with some additions and I love her.

It is possible to change. It is possible to become a new person or simply regain the person inside that you loved being the most. Whatever you think or say and believe, you can achieve. You have to believe that to even begin to move, to transform, to grow, to be. You have to recognise there is magic inside each and every one of us that allows us to not just reinvent who we are but regrow a new you from the inside out – but there is the key – it has to come from the inside and it has to come from inside you which is why no matter how much nagging, imploring, cajoling others do – it has to be time and you have to feel the desire from the very core of your soul. A ‘nice to have’ is not enough. This has to burn inside you so brightly that you cannot help but begin to shine and shine you will.

You may hear a piece of music, read a book, watch a film, see a photograph. You may be inspired by another’s achievements, you may simply reach rock bottom and have no choice but move. There are many triggers and they will be different for everyone. For me there was a simply resignation that I could call it a day or change and the former was not an option, I had to be there for my kids but I had to be a better version – I had to be more – I was more – I knew it and I stepped through that door called fear and found another space on the other side that was really very beautiful and I stayed a while….

I still have moments of release and letting go of things I hold onto inside and I accept that to be the best I can be I have to change, I have to let go, I have to learn and I have to make some tough decisions sometimes. But, I have always found that through those doors of choice there is always another room full of possibilities – all I have to do is choose which one I go with next. If you hand is on the door handle, turn it. If you are stood by the door reach out. If you are in the middle of the room, when you get the urge take one step…. it’s all it takes and when you feel that something growing inside and needing to get out, don’t be afraid – find your courage and let it go….. I wish you well on your journey.






Not giving birth…

I’m speaking mainly to ladies but maybe the men will hear the words if not the emotions. I’m a woman so I don’t know the experience of a man during a pregnancy. 

Giving birth to a little person is the biggest, most overwhelming, emotional experience I have ever had. It’s huge. Its beautiful. It’s painful. It’s an emotional roller coaster from the first moment of morning sickness to the actual holding of this new little life, this miracle that you’ve created. 

When you begin with the morning sickness but never get to the delivery stage it’s like all the emotions your body should be feeling can’t be completed and they get locked inside. Never to leave you. Never to be let loose into the universe. You grieve. 

You grieve for the loss of a baby, the new life you should be holding not mourning. You grieve for the loss of something in your relationship. You grieve for the part of you that is now locked up. If you have the support you can let this grief do its thing then let it go. This may take a minute or it may take a lifetime but you can and will let go. 

It doesn’t just go all at once and you may have to live with some things for many years but some thing at some time will tell you it’s time… today was my day. 

Today that little voice inside “it’s okay to let me go mama” and this writing is my means, my voice, my emotional release. The words from my heart to paper keep the feelings alive, keep Sarah alive, but not inside me anymore. Now they and she are free and back in the universe where they always belonged.

Colouring Books

Have you seen the craze right now for adult colouring books, particularly for older people to not only give them something to do but to stimulate their brains and enable them to create something of beauty. We have our own colouring book around us in nature and I’ve never really looked at it in black and white before but today I did and it was glorious. Nature black and white and still looking beautiful? Well yes and just like the colouring book page when you pick up your pencils, you can give it life.

I went out when it was still dark for a run and it’s the first time in forever that I have been out in the dark and the world carries a whole different energy at that time of day. Just like being swathed in black and white. The roads, the leaves on the ground and the trees and hedgerows are all black and white. Even the sounds are devoid of colour – no birdsong and no traffic, just the thud of my feet pounding the lanes and the occasional rustle of dead leaves on the floor – apart from that a still black and white silence surrounded me.

And then, like the creator has felt the urge to get out his colouring pencils, little by little I see colour being sketched in. It’s misty still so it’s faded and subtle but colour begins. A gentle yellow in the grey clouds begins to be visible, the leaves instead of being black have a dark green tinge to them and there is an imperceptible light showing through the hedgerows, which no longer look to be a solid wall, but a lace veil of leaves with glimpses of birds, rabbits and sheep beyond.

As I reached the straight part of my run, at the very top of the hill, the canopy of trees that engulfed me opened up and it was as though the creator was no longer just using pencils but bold felt tips with rich autumnal colours in their palette. Orange, red, green and yellow appeared from nowhere, the sky was suddenly bright and welcoming and I felt, for the first time on that run, a smile cross my face, my chin lifted to the sky above me and I felt loved by the day. It was the most amazing sensation. Like I’d just met my love after a long day and they smiled at me to say “all is well, you’re home and I love you”. What an empowering, powerful and loving feeling colour gives.

So I have to ask the colour of your world? Black and white or bold, beautiful colour? What colours are you I wonder. When you greet someone at work, your child’s school, in the supermarket, at the pub, just out doing your thing in life…. what colour do people see? When people see me I hope they see red (not in an angry way) because it’s bold, beautiful, fiery, passionate, a statement of courage and empowerment but also loving and gentle. We all have days of black and white and that is okay (and actually black and white has a beauty of its own) but just remember you have your own set of pencils and felt tips or paints and have the ability to colour your day in any whichever way you choose. You are the creator of your life and you can make it look however you feel it to be.

Why not get out those colouring books today and play, be creative, be bold and brave in your choices and even if you choose a simple statement look of classic black and white, wear them well.









The Pan Inside

Ever seen the film Hook where the fabulous Robin William plays a lawyer who is actually Peter Pan? He doesn’t realise who he is and the lost boys are trying to help him. A small boy holds his face, squeezes his cheeks, stretches his skin to remove the age lines, looks deep into his eyes and says “there you are Peter”. A poignant moment if you turn it on yourself. 

Have you ever felt lost? You look in the mirror and yet the person looking back at you isn’t who you expected to see at all. Have you ever felt like you are somewhere inside but you just can’t quite find you? Have you ever wondered where the you you remember being has gone? I know I felt that way for a long time and whilst never a lost boy I knew that feeling very well indeed. 

Someone with a beautiful heart took my face in their hands, squeezed my cheeks, stretched away the lines and looked into my eyes and said “there you are”. Through all the pain, the sadness, through the visible darkness of my inner being that I wore on my skin, they saw me and they made it their mission to help me find my happy thought so I could  fly again. 

What’s your happy thought? What memory or dream gets you up in the morning; especially on the darkest days where you can’t see anything beautiful, where your chest feels heavy and you can’t breathe and where your eyes focus inwards only, inwards to the sad sorrowful self inside. At that moment what’s your happy thought?

Mine makes my chest warm, my eyes sparkle and my heart fill to bursting point. My happy thought makes me feel invincible, makes me believe I can do and achieve anything I set my mind to. It makes me glow on the inside which finds its way out and makes it visible to anyone who comes across me. I have enough of everything all of a sudden and I am enough. 

When I am enough I have more to give and even if it means all I achieve in a day is to make one person smile or feel better about their day, then I have paid my happiness forward. If one person feels more beautiful, happier, at peace or stronger because we’ve interacted, how amazing is that and oh so easy. It’s free and it’s simple. 

If you have your happy thought and no longer feel lost, pay it forward in thought or deed. If you are still a lost boy, allow yourself that moment with another human who can see the person you still are and give them permission to help set them free. “I believe in you Peter Pan”.