On the edge

Stood on the edge. Ahead I can see for miles and miles but no definition or detail of what’s there, just colour and shapes and a sense of peace. Below my feet is solid ground but just one step and I step into a space I cannot define, cannot see, just feel. I have faith that tells me it’s safe so here we go….

With one single bag containing nothing more than things; things I’m not sure I need but they are identity, a little bit of home and necessities (we all need a toothbrush and a hint of mascara). Mind you I don’t think this adventure calls for anything but me and my belief that out there in this awesome universe is a space for me and it can be filled with all sorts of wonders if I just allow it in. 

We hold onto much in life like a huge security blanket. Things we think keep us safe, happy and at peace. These feelings aren’t found in things. We hold onto people who we think are who we need to make us whole and happy. Happiness is being comfortable in your own skin and knowing yourself. We hold onto places thinking that anywhere else is dangerous as it’s not home. Home is inside you so you carry it with you. It’s time to let go and explore. Explore the world, explore a culture other than mine and explore me and find out who I am and what I am capable of. 

I am…. anything and anyone I choose to be

I am…. whole

I am…. enough

I wonder what you would put after ‘I am’? If you’re willing to share with me I’d love to know. 

Time for an adventure

In a weeks time I will be in the heart of the French countryside with people I’ve never met, taking part in classes that are new and gifting what I love, my massage and reiki, to my fellow travellers. I’m off to a retreat.

Many would love to take time out and do this, I know because they tell me, so what’s stopping them? Finances? Motivation? Fear? Commitments? Time? Some or all of these could be in their head but do you know if they really want it, they will do it. I’m blessed to be going and won’t waste a second. It wasn’t so very long ago I would have been appalled at the thought of doing this and yet this new version of me is beyond excited to be going.

This adventure all came from some beautiful photo’s that created a conversation, the joining of two like minded people and my courage to stand up and say who I am, express how good I am at what I do and their faith in me. If you think that is big headed I really don’t care. I am good at what I do and want to shout out (to anyone who will listen) how important it is for people to have a space to step into to become the person they were, are inside, could be again. I create that space.

I am about to meet people from across this marvellous planet of ours, all with stories of their own, all with reasons for coming together and just being. Learning, growing, being still, taking time, creating space and improving themselves; mind, body and spirit. There are no barriers, this is for everyone who  wants to “transform your existence into a life that matters“.

Why do this? I can only answer for me – it’s time in my life for adventures. I have  been to some pretty dark places in recent years and worked damn hard to step into the light. This is my way of celebrating, sharing, forgiving, learning, reflecting, growing, being still, going inside, reaching out into nature and the universe and saying thank you for everything I have. I have been blessed with two amazing children. I am loved. I have good health and I have a gift to share with those who can find themselves and it’s time in my life for adventure to live and no longer just exist.

Taking a week to myself, for myself is selfish? That depends on your viewpoint doesn’t it. Independence? Celebration? Gratitude? Giving? Learning? Loving? Silence? Inner strength? Being a better person to those I come home to? If all this is selfish then I will allow you to call me that but I ask you if you fancy being ‘selfish’ too. It is for everyone, anyone, you, me, him, her, young, old, male, female, strangers, couples, friends; anyone who is seeking “self-discovery and transformation. Time to think, space to breathe, learn to grow”.

What will I learn? What will I do with it all afterwards? How will it impact the future? I guess I can only answer that when I return and reflect. Will I be different? Absolutely yes. Will it be the biggest adventure I’ve ever had? Oh yes. Am I excited? Imagine a bottle of pop that has been shaken and released…. does that tell you? You CAN have this. You CAN find time. You CAN afford it. You CAN become whoever you want to be. Maybe it really is your time to step into your space.

 

 

 

Through the eyes of a child

“When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” This quote has rattled around my thoughts recently and I realise how much we lose becoming “man”. How we lose our sense of wonder. How we miss seeing the small things that create our happiness. What we fear. How we question. When did we become “man” and how sad is it that we seem unable to keep a thread of “child” in us as time passes by.

“When I was a child I spoke as a child”. I think we use the expression “out of the mouths of babes” and I really wish that more people had the courage to speak like a child. With honesty. With no filter. With heart. Without fear of judgement. With innocence and wonder at the words they are able to create and with joy.

“I understood as a child”. I would love to be able to recreate understanding as a child sometimes. Without complication. With questions. Without doubt that what I heard was the truth. With knowledge that I am growing and learning every time I find something new and it expands my world just a little bit more.

“I thought as a child”. As a child I never questioned what I was told by someone. As a child I lived sometimes in a world in my head. I was creative in what I did and how I approached things. I would capture all I saw, all I heard, all I felt and take those, not stress and worry, into my dreams. I thought the world was beautiful, I thought people good and had my best interests at heart and I thought everything lived for ever.

As I grew up and grew older I lost all this. I don’t know where. I don’t know when. I just know that when I looked recently it wasn’t there. Oh my god when did that happen? When did adulthood steal my childlike qualities. How did I allow this to happen? Why did I let it all slip out of my fingers and disappear into the ether? What happened that made me forget the innocent view of my surroundings, my peers, my adult relationships?  When did I begin to doubt someone’s words before I believed their truth? At what point did I put away childish things and destroy a part of me that was so very, very important to my adultness?

Now I’ve recognised that I need to see through my “child” eyes, or use my child’s eyes to remind myself of what I used to see. I can consciously remind myself to look at the world around me with wonder; allow it to surprise me; create with my “child” imagination a better world and then recreate it and live in it with the adult part of me. I can take people I see at face value first, trust, believe, love them for who they are not who society tells me they are because of their lifestyle, their religion, their colour or language. And I can love unconditionally, others and myself.

I can and will see as a child, hear as a child, speak as a child, think as a child, behave as a child. I can and will play, create, imagine, trust, believe and laugh as I did as a child and I will never again lose this part of me. Why? Because I am simply a better person to and for myself, my friends, my family, my community, my country, my universe since I found the child inside.

Want to come and play?

 

Heading into silence 

Have you ever experienced true silence? 

It’s really hard to find the time? It’s really hard to find a place? It’s really hard to do? It’s really hard to believe this can be anything useful?  To experience silence you have to stop. You have to listen. You have to keep trying to find it. You have to believe it’s worthwhile. 

When you find your way into true silence it can be the most powerful experience. It’s loud. It’s thought provoking. It helps you find your thoughts. It helps you find time and peace within it. It helps you find the strength and the belief in yourself that you can do, achieve, succeed in anything.

This morning, after many weeks of being unable to focus in my meditation, unable to quieten my thoughts long enough to focus, unable to hear myself think as there was so much in my head, this morning I found silence and it was beautiful.  It took me a while and a few attempts to focus and follow my own breath and it took a great deal of concentration on that breath to shut out the noise within my head and from the outside world but once I was there it was beautiful.

I was heading for the second migraine of the week, I was tired, I was emotionally bereft before I began. In twenty minutes I felt refreshed, my head was clearing and I felt strong enough to take back control of my day. All by persevering, believing, focussing and taking time to go inside and listen to my body, my thoughts, my own silence. That moment you hear your own intake of breath, your heartbeat, the air filling every space in your lungs. That feeling of the air gathering up all the negativity, stress, darkness and your body expelling it out and away and bringing in white light, cleanliness, positivity and peace. That is silence.

“Do this every day and your life will change”. Do you know I think it will. I am going to take the rest of this month doing just that, getting back into a routine, a pattern, taking time to stop and breathe and see what a difference it makes. I love a challenge and I think I’ve just been thrown one. How different? Well I guess that depends on me. I plan to take note now of how I feel, think, emotional aspects I want to experience or change, things I want to achieve, feel, do, things I want to come in and go out of my life and then revisit this at the end of the month. How much can I do? I guess that’s up to me too. I will say what I want and what I hope to gain and then compare my now to my then.

If you feel you want to do this too message me – why not do this together? Lifes easier with support sometimes and who knows where the adventure could take us…..

OMG is that me?

There is nothing more beautiful than seeing someone realise not only what they can do but who they already are.

Have you ever thought or heard yourself say “I am not the person I used to be” or “I don’t know who I am anymore” or “I don’t recognise the person I see in the mirror – where have I gone?” I’m not talking about others saying it of you – that says far more about them than it does you – but I do acknowledge they will make you feel the same emotions if you are already struggling with your self esteem and confidence.

I wrote a week or two ago (For Ladies of a Certain Age – 24 May) about how empowered I felt by having my photo taken professionally and today I went to see the results of those few hours in front of the camera and I was totally blown away by the beautiful woman I saw on the screen.

I saw strength, I saw courage, I saw nerve. I felt pride. I felt I was looking at many women even though they all had the same face.  She has captured so many aspects of my personality, a true artist at work. She found my vulnerable, my sexy, my coy, my strong, my determined and my playful. She enticed the inner me out into the open and then captured it with a single shutter click. She created a snapshot of who I am that will remain for all eternity and allow me to go back to if ever I need to remind myself or want to reminisce on the enormity of the day.

We all spend our days being so many people, I know I am mum, lover, chef, taxi driver, therapist, friend, sister et al, as you may be. Gentlemen this is for you too! You are dad, husband, lover, chef, sportsman, friend, strongman, shoulder to lean on and many, many other people. You may feel you have lost your identity and you are so many people that you never know which you want to be and most certainly lose who you can be.

It is a huge moment when you are faced with yourself on a 48″ screen with no filters, no retouching, no photo manipulation, just raw emotion captured by an artist. I watched this movie of me mesmerised by not what but who I saw. On this screen was exactly who I am but it was like seeing me for the first time and I fell in love. Does that sound ridiculous? I hope not because I was stunned as I saw who I have become on this journey of mine and I love her and with this comes who I can move on to be and the opportunities I can create and live in.

All from a click of the camera? No of course not but that click has shown me my own potential. I expected to be embarrassed, shy, appalled, disgusted, disappointed (says a great deal about my self confidence) but I was proud and as I wiped a tear away it dawned on me how big this moment was. This was another step on my journey of rediscovering me and I saw how far I have travelled and how far I can go. This was huge.

I’m not suggesting everyone do this in particular (although I do believe you should give it a go) but I do feel very, very strongly that everyone should step out of themselves and find a means to see themselves with new eyes. The euphoria is dreadfully difficult to capture here in words but I hope you can see how this has empowered, inspired and filled me with confidence and as you can see by the heading “the most beautiful thing a woman can wear is confidence”.

Clearing the weeds, losing control

Much weeding took place in the Energy Magnets garden this weekend. It can be a beautiful garden but if not tended regularly, can get overgrown very quickly and with the mix of sunshine and showers over the last couple of weeks, it resembled the jungle rather than an English county garden.

I’m sat this morning looking out on a newly weeded section and  the blackbirds, great tits, robins, sparrows and wrens are feeding greedily on the worms and other bugs that have surfaced and are now accessible. How this picture reflects life too.

We allow the weeds to grow around us. We allow life to tangle us up, entwining the beautiful and making it ugly. We allow our neat, orderly edges to become invisible so we can’t see where we begin or end. We sometimes cannot see out to see where we are going and we certainly stop the stunningly beautiful  flowers that we really are, be seen.

If we choose to, we can clear away the weeds. We can tend our own gardens and create order from the chaos, create beauty from the tangle and we can show all that we are for others to feed on. I say feed on because I wonder if you realise the impact you have on others (this it is not meant as a negative). When you are calm, happy and at peace with yourself, your thoughts and your actions, your energy is positive, large and infectious to others and they will feed from you and also begin to lose their weeds and begin to grow again. How you feel, how you act, how you grow will be visible and repeated by those closest to you.

My garden is large and needs constant attention. My life is busy and needs constant watching. I am complex and need constant growth. Attention, watching, growth and I have discovered recently; control. Even after all the personal development and growth I have achieved, I still need a high level of control, or believe I need it, for keeping life’s weeds at bay or catching curve balls and keeping them close to me or having all the answers to all the questions that keep me awake at night.

During the day I am busy, I am focussed, I am at peace with myself and what I’m doing and yet whilst I sleep, my brain, my unconscious thoughts, take hold like those weeds; fast moving and entwining themselves with my comfort, peace and stress free heart. At night I fall asleep but within a few short hours I’m awake again with thoughts, ideas, worries or questions racing around and I become strangled, unable to breathe properly and the night becomes long and I become frustrated once more.

I need to go back to why I still need, or again need this control. What is missing from my life, what I am searching for, why am I losing sleep in a life that is turning into perfection. I believe the answer can be summed up in one word…… CHANGE. I struggle with it and controlling things has become my way of handling it. Change – a subject for another day but at least I have found where to begin weeding.

 

 

She stepped to the edge

And she stood at the edge, took a breath and stepped into the unknown. Faith, trust, excitement and freedom. She doesn’t question, she simply believes the best is yet to come. When life throws her an opportunity she grabs it, runs free, runs wild and simply says thank you.  

There are chances given that you know you will always wonder about if you do not see them through. There are times when you have to decide if the opportunity of what might be, outweighs the unknown. There are moments where everyone else questions what you are doing or worries that you are stepping into something that you cannot control, not understanding that the lack of it (control) is what lights the fire in your soul. 

Step forward into the light. Step into your dreams. Step away from what holds you. Step away from your darkness into your light and shine.

If it feels good, do it. If it excites you, it’s meant to be. If it scares you, it will make you feel alive. If it challenges you, you will grow. If it succeeds you will be happy. If it doesn’t? So what, you have given it a go and learnt something new. 
Talk to new people, try new things, speak up about your desires and dreams, step forward and tell people what you really want from life. You never know who’s listening. Maybe just the universe, but be aware she’s pretty good at laying before you what you desire, if only you are brave enough to ask. Are you?

A little piece of paper

A few years ago I was handed a piece of paper by a complete stranger and today someone reminded me how important a little piece of paper can be. On this paper was a phone number and a name. It saved my life.

Being dramatic? No. It really did save my life. At that stage I was at my lowest and someone, someone I had never seen before gave me a lifeline. She became one of the most important people in my life and now I get to repay her gift to another who needs it every single day. All from a little piece of paper. Never underestimate a single act of kindness or gesture. To you it may just be a look, a touch, the tone of your voice, a simple hello but to someone else it can be all they need to begin again, find themselves and save another.

When you give to another person something happens that is unseen, unwritten and yet can travel miles. Imagine if you will a beautiful lake, still in the setting sun, lit by an orange glow, silence so loud and the tiniest of insects flying silently above you. This tiny bug dips to the water and even though it is small, insignificant and seemingly too light to make an impact as it glances the waters surface it creates a ripple. Small, insignificant and almost invisible, yet this ripple becomes another, and another, and another and can eventually go as far as the other side of the pond.

Small and seemingly insignificant. That bug had nothing really to offer and yet its action could be felt, what to the size of a bug, was miles away. Imagine the impact you could have with one small, seemingly insignificant gesture, comment, glance or touch on another human being!

When I held that paper in my hand I had no idea what she saw in me. I found out many months later that I had looked lost, sad and empty and she knew that all she had was her time and space and silence. Meditation. She taught me to go inside and breathe. She taught me to go inside and learn to love who I found there. She taught me to be. She gave me all she had, her ripple in my ocean. Her ripple, I hope, has created many others from me and from me to another and from them to another. Just one act of random kindness, an observation of another’s need for support and love and look what you can do.

Would you deny someone because you didn’t know them? Would you deny another your word? Could you deny a human being in need your shoulder to cry on or your arms to hold them tight when they needed it most? Should you get over yourself and say hi to a stranger? Do you deny someone close to you as you aren’t sure if you should “interfere” or don’t know what to say.

Say nothing….. pass them a piece of paper.

 

 

 

And she was home…

An ending and a beginning. I reached this in my ‘Rediscovered Life’ blog and I feel like I am here again. Much has been happening lately and I feel that this is a turning point, or rather the need to change is here again.

I will try and put my experience this last few weeks into words…

I was taken poorly and had time to sit and begin to evaluate where I was in life, in business, inside. Unbeknown to me, I had just begun a short but beautiful journey into my final leg home, a place I have been searching for, for quite some time now. I breathed in and I looked inward and that is all it took to begin. Now I’m home life is for living to its fullest, to its best, for the rest of time. There is no going back as there is no back to go to. 

Energy, as I’ve mentioned before, is what we are and once I looked inward, realised what my energy looked like and needed I could begin. I took advice, medical and spiritual. I took healing from those I trusted. I spoke up when I needed help. I asked questions I needed answers to and therein was the final piece of the jigsaw puzzle. I knew I needed closure on things in my long and distant past. I had fretted, wondered and decided the truth but I had never asked those who could actually provide it before. Once asked, once answered, the last jigsaw piece clunked into place and there I was. Renewed. Revitalised. At peace. Excited for life. 

This was physically exhausting so then came taking care of me. I had to choose the person who I connected with, who my higher self spoke to so easily. With them came a moment in time where I saw things I cannot describe on here as I’m not sure you would believe me but I heard a simple, single statement (spoken by many voices) and it said “she’s here”. Yes I am. 

I am here. I am free. I am at peace. I am enough. I am home. 

So where now? Wherever I want to go. Whomever I want to share it with. Life is mine and I plan to sieze every moment and make it count. It’s for my children, for my loved ones, for those who choose me and I them as friends. It’s no longer about me, it’s about living life and living it well.

To you I wish you peace. I wish you dreams that come true. I wish you courage to change; to choose what makes you happy; moments that catch your breath and make your world beautiful and I wish you all you wish for yourself. I give you my heart, my blessings, my love. 

The Shift

🎶If we are strong enough to let it go…. If I look back to the start I see everything new…. We wait too long and now we have to go…. I don’t know why we break so hard🎶. I was about to write something else but these words are playing behind me so let’s begin here as its as good a place as any.

I have discovered that when you are prepared to face the past and “let it go” / put closure on unfinished business, it creates a sublime shift in your energy and is most refreshing as it clears your vision and feels like laying a new path that you can step onto with confidence and clarity in knowledge and vision. It’s a huge confidence boost to know what you are doing is the right thing for you and, even though there are going to be some awkward and painful decisions, you can make them in the knowledge that it is right and all involved are going to be okay and safe.

What on earth is she going on about today? Isn’t this all a bit airy fairy and hippie speak? No. This is facing reality, putting closure on beliefs and decisions made in the past to allow you to move onto the future with a new level of energy and fire. I spoke recently of forgiving yourself and this is all part of the same shift.

We are all created by and from energy. The art of making love and creating another human being is energy at its best and no matter what, we are all created the same way and all share this commonality. We are energy and energy can get tired, stuck, out of kilter or sluggish and we need to decide how to deal with it when this arises. I wonder if you even notice your own energy? I wonder if you put it down to feeling rough or poorly or out of sorts – this is your energy my friends – listen to it carefully.

I have a past, as we all do, and have found situations and decisions I made long ago still impact into my life. Unknowingly, unwittingly I was holding on, unable to let go, needing to find an ending. I found it. Unknowingly, unwittingly I needed to go full circle and find things that didn’t quite complete themselves before because of decisions I made. I found them. In finding them and in an instant, the world, my world, had an energy shift and moved me on.

I feel like I have been picked up in a tornado and all of the emotions, memories and feelings have been stripped clean, realigned and handed back to me and I have been planted gently back in the arms of Mother Earth but in a place I haven’t been before or at very least, one I haven’t been aware of. I must say I like it here. I feel free, refreshed, courageous and ready for the next opportunity laid before me.

To let go is divine. To give yourself closure is huge. To experience a shift in your behaviour, lifestyle, mental processes or physicality you must be willing to let go and believe all will be okay. I wonder is you are aware of your own energy. I wonder if you are ready for change. I know you will experience something pretty powerful if you let go of what you keep holding you back, even just a little….. let it go!