As a therapist my first aid skills are crucial for my clients, myself and my insurance. If, heaven forbid, a client took a turn for the worse whilst with me I need to know how to save them. This got me thinking and as usual an appropriate song came up on my Spotify. Synchronicity at its best.
Save Myself by Ed Sheeran. Wow was he living my life or just writing as if I’d dictated the words.
I have spent, an inordinate amount of time trying to save the world, the people I love, friends, acquaintances, perfect strangers. I didn’t always ask if they wanted saving, I just felt it my calling to (how very arrogant and rude). After years of giving my all, mind, body and spirit to them, it dawned on me that the person I forgot to save, was me. The person I forgot to forgive, was me. The person I forgot to love, was me.
When I needed them were they there? No. When I needed picking up did they stretch out a hand? No. When I fell apart did they gather the pieces and work with me to put them back together? No. Am I judging them? No, never. They didn’t do any of this because I used those immortal words ‘yes I’m fine, thank you’. What a perfect idiot.
The people I allowed in to make me see myself were perfect strangers because I didn’t have to hold onto the pretence. They were people I could begin with on day one as me, the vulnerable, hurting, crumbling me. I could begin again without judgement. Knowing what I know now I could have done that with all the others who really did care but I chose to continue with the facade I had created so long ago.
I’m not harping back on the past with sadness or self destruction, it made me the strong, independent, fiercely passionate and loving woman I am today. Gratitude. I am painting a picture of who I was and who many of you who read these ramblings are. I want you to recognise, I want you to reflect, I want you to see that it’s possible to move forward to a place you want to be. I want you to feel the warmth of the sunshine on your face, have the urge to dance in the street when you think no one is watching, laugh, cry to let go, forgive yourself and ultimately love yourself.
It’s taken a long time to realise I cannot heal everyone. I can only heal the ones who are ready, the ones hurting so much, courageous enough to say ‘yes please I need you’. I can only heal the ones ready to love themself and become the awesome wonder they were born to be. I can only hold the space and I do.
If you call me, I will come. If you hold out your hand, I will take it. If you want to talk, I will listen. If you are ready to move on, I will walk by your side. If you are ready to love yourself, wow that’s amazing. I’m no saviour, I’m simply a therapist with a skill to heal and a passion for what I do. Blessed, grateful and here….just ask.
🎶So before I save someone else, I’ve got to save myself. And before I blame someone else, I’ve got to save myself. And before I love someone else, I’ve got to love myself.🎶