The long farewell

How many years can you take to say goodbye? How many times can you say I love you knowing it’s not enough? At what point do you say enough, life has to change, for me I have to, it’s time to move on? It can take forever to let go and it can feel like longer and impossible and hurtful and exhausting.

Whether this is saying goodbye to another human being or your old self, it’s a really hard thing letting go and saying goodbye. When you know you need to do it to secure your future, your sanity, your health, even when it’s hard it’s so very courageous to do it. If you’ve done it my heart goes to you and I truly believe you are the most courageous person I’ve never met. If you need to do it but haven’t yet quite managed as of yet be assured if it’s the right thing to do you will feel more like you when it’s done.

Letting go, saying goodbye and wishing someone well is hard but do you realise it’s probably the best thing you’ve ever done. It’s your choice, it empowers you, it gives you an inner strength. It’s gives you a future to do whatever you are required to do to make your life happier, more peaceful.

It maybe the first time you’ve ever really taken control of your life and it maybe the only time you need to as the only way from here is forward. Don’t look back. Don’t do what if and maybe. There is no need. If you’ve said goodbye it’s because you had to, because it’s the only way for your to feel better in the long term and because you know deep down its right. If it was for someone living they’ll understand, if it’s someone past they too would understand.

Goodbye is forever, goodbye is not easy, goodbye leaves a hole but it is the right thing, it’s is the best thing and you are the most courageous person for taking this decision, making this choice. Be prepared to congratulate yourself when time has passed and you can see straight once more as you deserve your own praise.

The long farewell today may feel like you’ve got lost but believe me when I say you are totally on the path you are meant to be on. Be strong. Have faith. I’m proud of you.


A new slant on past phrases

We grow up with phrases that we interpret and accept and yet later on we really look at these and with different eyes hear and see a different meaning. Yesterday I had a phrase highlighted to me, one I have grown up believing to be true and yet now I question its validity.

“Saving for a rainy day”. I was raised believing this is what you should do. I never actually managed it so the pot is nearly always empty but it’s a mindset that has remained with me. I trusted it, believed it was what you should do because my parents and grandparents raised me to believe this is true.

So let’s turn it on its head and think differently. If you save for this rainy day there is an immediate assumption that one is coming…..

This is where I now struggle with the concept. I have worked so very hard on my mindset of positivity in everything I do and say and am that this now feels wrong. I don’t plan for failure anymore. I don’t plan to not achieve what I set out to accomplish. My intent is to succeed in all that I do, so why save for a rainy day?

My list of ‘will do’s’ is written and I ensure that I focus on see every single day and visualise them as already with me and naturally being financially secure is one of them. My focus for this is not saving for a disaster that actually I have no intention of letting happen but to ensure that I earn enough to break even and then when I want more to earn it. I now know what that looks like, how to go about it and how long it will take. It’s not saving it’s working harder. Working harder is not more hours it’s working differently and knowing exactly what this additional work looks like for me.

It may mean an additional business bringing in an another income stream. It may mean setting my prices differently. It may mean working what I already work, just smarter to achieve more from the same. Whatever the situation needs will dictate the outcome but I know for sure it won’t be taking what I earn and holding some it in a pot for that day I will not allow in. 

Perhaps you have phrases or values that you live by that you have assumed is a positive focus. Revisit them and see if there is another way – I believe there is always another way of you want something bad enough.

When it’s time it’s time

I have had a fabulously crazy few weeks with so much change I’m surprised I recognise anything, especially me. The world is moving fast and for the first time ever I am happy to go along for the ride without worrying about the mode of transport, who my fellow travellers are or even my destination. Are you with me on this?

I can remember that it really wasn’t that long ago that I was scared of life. I was too afraid to stay where I was, go back or step forward and this paralysed me to within an inch of my life. What if. What if. What if….. with fear, dread, hollowness, sadness, tears and pessimism.

Now it’s what if with a totally different mindset. Now it’s a what if with excitement, wonderment, belief that it can only be good, progression, successful, inspiring, purposeful, positive, achieveable, fun, passion filled…. the list of descriptive words is endless.

Everything about what I do and who I am has been achieved from a determination to never go where I have been, ever again. A bloody mindedness that the darkness will never take my ankles and whip my feet from under me again but also a passion that I can show others how to do the same, simply, with relative speed, definite ease and successfully if they are ready to go on a journey with me. That knowledge that I can take a person from their darkest darkness to their brightest most joyous sunshine is what gets me out of bed every single day. I can only do it with permission though. I cannot help anyone who isn’t sure, isn’t ready, still can’t admit they are stood in the shadows. Even though I can see them, hear them, touch and feel their pain, I can do nothing until they step forward and say help me.

Sometimes I want to drag people from the rain and show them rainbows but I know this life, if it were compared to a train ride, would for them be where they are still only just packing their case never mind buying a ticket or boarding the train to the future that currently seems bleak. Frustrating but at least I am now aware and on standby for that call.

For me it’s time to move on again, emotionally, in my business and in my relationships and for the first time in my life, seriously the first time ever, I cannot contain my excitement about what is waiting for me. All I can say is I am lucky, I am lucky in that I fell down because it enabled me to know what it was like down there and what is needed to get back up but I don’t want to try it twice so hold the memory and not the emotion. I accept others aren’t ready but I know I am for when they are.

Making memories

We take lots of photos on our mobile devices these days but I am not sure how many people actually print these off, put them in an album and look at them or share them in that way anymore. Probably the world of social media these days is our photo album. The art of taking photos, selfies or otherwise, is the art of making memories and a skill we should never lose. I like to think people are making those and storing them in their hearts too.

I see many people at events, their children’s parties or sports day or on holidays glued to their devices taking videos or photographs, that I do wonder sometimes how many are actually taking part in life and making memories to store in their hearts. I know they have the evidence on their phone or camera but you are an outsider looking in not actually taking part and if you watch the entire school play through the lens how can you possibly be present, how can you possibly be soaking up the sounds, the atmosphere, the world outsider the camera lens? What are you not seeing or more importantly perhaps feeling by viewing it second hand?

Sometimes perhaps we need to put down the camera, the phone, the video recorder and take part in life. You may not be able to show the physical picture on Facebook but in years to come you will have the most amazing memories in your heart, and, let’s be honest, the 1500 people you shared that with 10 years ago won’t give a hoot whether you still think about it or not. Your memories count.

I love taking photographs and I love going back to them and reliving that moment or sharing them with a member of my family far away but on dark days or when I’m on my own, the memories I carry in my heart are as important, if not more important, than the ones on my phones. I have very few photographs of my mum and there was certainly nothing life a mobile phone in those days to recall her from but the memories I have of her, right back to my childhood, although sometimes prompted by a picture someone gets from the box, are indelibly etched on my heart as that is where the original picture was taken.

Take pictures but make memories too.


I meditate each morning and my blog words appear but some days there is nothing and today is one of those days. I have nothing to say. It used to worry me as I felt we always needed to share something, some thought, some emotion with another human being but clearly not today.

Yesterday was full of noise, celebration, chatter, high emotion and laughter. Today is still, peaceful and silent. I love the yin and yang.

I adore this time of day where the world is weakening, the birds are singing in the trees in the garden, the sun is already high in the sky and no one else in the house is awake. This is my time, my hour of self indulgence to mediate, read, focus, reflect, exercise and be thankful. Today is no difference but the nothingness is actually really loud in my ears but it has a gentle resonance about it, like a bee humming or the wings of a hummingbird vibrating.

Just being aware of how my body feels, any aches and pains, any tiredness, to feel my breath move in and out, to hear it, to feel the warmth as it escapes. To know what the chair feels like beneath me, how I’m sat. To hear a gentle hum of farm machinery in the distance, the single bird that is sat immediately in front of me in the garden and absolutely no other sounds. To feel the touch of my fingers tapping the iPad and to smell the tea by my side waiting to be sipped.

I love nothing times.

When you have even just a few seconds spare just be aware, savour all that your senses provide and enjoy the nothing whilst you can.

Feeling beautiful

As a woman I like to feel and look good and I’ve learnt over the last year to please me and no one else in the decision making. By pleasing me I naturally please others (those who care and matter to me) just by being happy in myself. When I feel good I make others feel good. It’s like smiling at someone, they automatically feel better when you do.

Yesterday I went on a shopping trip. Now I am not a good shopper and when it’s really busy, hot and I’m a little grumpy this doesn’t bode well. Did you know you can do an entire shopping complex and not find one items that appeals or when it does they don’t have it in your size or the colour you really wanted!

But…eventually with encouragement from those who know me very well, I tried one more shop. In the window was a duster coat that took me back to the 80’s. Not in style or anything but the me in that time. The flamboyant me. The loud me. The happy me. The ‘I don’t care what other people think’ me. No surprise that I bought the outfit. When you put something on that is right you just feel so much better and everyone else breathes a sigh of relief too !

Your journey can only ever start with you because it’s only about you. That isn’t being selfish, it’s not being uncaring of others or neglecting anyone else so stop right there if that is your reaction. Whether you know it or like it, the who you are and how you feel impacts everyone else around you so the better you feel about yourself the better everyone else feels too. I remember days where I came in from work and moaned, barked at the kids or worse didn’t communicate with anyone and why? Simply because I hated me, I was misterable, I was stressed, I was frustrated at being that person so gave that to everyone else. It’s was a sorry state of affairs.

Change has to happen. Change is not as difficult as you think. Change is a positive thing. Change could be the best decision you’ve ever made. Change begins with you and only you. Are you ready?

A fit like a hand in a glove

Once upon a time there was a hand that felt cold to the touch, permanently hurting from the cold and the loneliness of having no other hand to hold. There were hands but sadly circumstances made it so these hands could never come together as there was a broken bird that needed holding between them. The hand found a glove. A beautiful glove, warm, protective, one that loved it’s purpose of keeping a hand warm and it was a perfect fit.

Sadly the hand struggled with this glove and sometimes it wore it, loved it, cared for it deeply and looked after it like it was the most precious thing in its world and sometimes discarded it to the back of the drawer. The glove in turn kept that hand safe and warm and protected. It loved that hand so very much and knew it’s purpose was to keep it warm and protected for a lifetime, even when it was a lonely in the drawer with the discarded jumpers and socks.

The hand wanted the glove, the glove needed to be with the hand, it’s purpose was spoilt if not but many months went by and the glove gave up hope. Maybe the hand had got so used to the cold that it could no longer be comfortable with the warmth the glove gave. Maybe the hand had so much to hold that to let go of these to put the glove back on was too difficult, too dangerous, impossible. Maybe they had forgotten which drawer it was in. Maybe, maybe, maybe….

The glove had a gift, the glove had a purpose and realised that there were other hands that needed it. Many hands who need to be made to feel warm again, to be protected, sometimes from themselves, sometimes from others, hands of all shapes and sizes and so when they found this drawer and tried on the glove they found it fitted because that was what the glove did, it made sure that hand felt perfect again until it was warm enough in its summertime to go without the glove. 

The glove carried on serving but never forgot the cold hands that chose to put it back in the drawer, it realised it wasn’t a perfect fit for everyone and accepted that and wished those hands well but always added the caviat that they could find it in the same drawer, but it was their choice that was the key to access it.

Shadow to sunshine

I absolutely love what I do. I can’t even call it a job, the word doesn’t seem grand enough, beautiful enough. I have been given a gift; the gift of healing another human being and to see someone move from a dark, cold, uncertain place to one of sunshine, choice, happiness and peace is a blessing every time it happens.

Close you eyes and picture being on a cold street, grey, wet, solid. People are passing you by, heads down, grey, wet, sad, moving quickly and never interacting with another human being. If they want something from you there is no eye contact just a few short words and then they are gone again. There is no warmth, no respite from the chill in your bones, nothing but an empty feeling inside that knaws away like you’ve never eaten. You trudge along and the floor beneath your feet feels slightly sticky and you have to physically strain to allow your feet to walk along the path. 

Suddenly there is a wall in front of you, too high to go over and you have to make a choice on which way you go, one you can see is a continuation of where you are, the other you can’t really see at all.

Keep your eyes closed and I will give you a glimpse of the other direction.

If you are brave and take a chance on what might be at the end of the wall you will see what I see when I look to that place. It is warm, there is a vibrancy in the colours that you haven’t noticed in a long long time. There is noise and it seems to be directed at you, a noise you sort of recognise; it’s the chatter of people talking to you, happy chatter, light chatter, a joyful gentle noise that soothes your ears. There are people moving swiftly around all exchanging pleasantries and smiles and there is a  feeling of warmth emitting from them that feels safe and luxurious like a cosy blanket.

You find you are walking along with them, with purpose, travelling swiftly to your destination with an eagerness, purpose. You feel full, positive, ready to give this feeling to another and another and another.

Okay so which felt like a place you want to be? Do you walk in either of those places? Which one? If it’s the former we need to talk. I’ve been there and managed to find people to walk with who showed me a different way to get to the place I was always meant to be. I was just lost. There was no miracle, no rebirth; just growth, development, courage to choose and hands to hold along the way to keep me safe.

I’m ready to walk by your side on this journey that is called life but you have to decide if you are staying in the shadow or you want someone to walk with in the sunshine.

Finding home

For some time I have been on a journey on all levels but after recently completing a session  on vision boarding I found my reason – I need to find my way home. I’ve not been lost on a physical level and I know where I live but I have been lost on a spiritual level and home is me. My next journey is the road home and in finding home, in finding me, I will be in a place where I am free, energised, at peace and able to give me 100% to life with no hang ups or baggage, just an open mind, open heart and desire to be a better me.

Are you already home? Have you already walked your path? If you can answer yes then be proud and enjoy the moment. I have still got a way to go but as they say life is short and a time must come to us all where we see that if we don’t make change now or create the life and the person we need to be, it may be too late tomorrow. That not meant as a depressing statement as it is reality. One too many people I know have been given life sentences that are too short because of illness or sadly left this earth when their life was ended ‘early’.

I begin with nine areas of my life with just one goal in each, the list alongside for things to achieve is great but one step at a time is how it is to be. Believe it, feel it, do it. It is a simple but very focused approach and really asks you to look at what you want from life, how much you want it, its importance and what it will feel life when you achieve it. The question is if you don’t do it what will it feel like?

If you want to change who you are and how you live but do nothing, in two or three years time how will you feel? When you look at yourself in the mirror who will you see? I’m guessing just an older version of the one you see now. I promise you that if you make small changes, focus your thoughts and actions and make steps to change, in two or three years time it will be like looking at a different person; a much better version of you.

So are you ready for a journey, a journey into you? Are you a little bit scared because that is good, it means you want it and are ready. I have my initial nine steps home and I think you are ready to find the courage to decide on yours.

Rock the boat and do it differently 

I struggle sometimes with the speed of today’s world. We seem to pass through life so very quickly with our instant lifestyle, where we cook in a microwave for ease, we have our emails on our phones so we can answer them at all hours of every day and where if you don’t answer a message within 5 seconds people think you are ignoring them or being a bit stroppy. 

We are attached to our mobile phones and we appear to allow them to dictate our schedules, who we talk to, how we talk to them, how we get somewhere, what pictures we take and instantly publish everything we do, sometimes with very little thought and entertain us with online games when we are bored!

What about breaking the rules for just one day. What would your life be like if you turned off your phone and lived without it for one day? Would your world fall apart or would you simply find a different way of doing? Break all the rules and do things differently. Challenge yourself to think differently, act differently, communicate differently, entertain yourself differently. How empowering would it be to not be held ransom by a small electronic device that controls your every move?

How would it be for everyone to leave their phone at home just once a week, every week. Can you imagine? People would struggle with doing business I guess and I’m sure some would be traumatised by the lack of instant gratification we are all so used to but what about sitting on a bus or train or even across the breakfast table from your partner or kids and actually looking up and seeing people. Seeing people in real life not on a selfie, actually able to say and not type how are you, good morning or even hello and what about smiling and touching and the joy of simply acknowledging another human being.

I’m not being a stick in the mud or a dinosaur, I rely in my phone as much as the next person but I do think we need to step out of the expected world and be different and allow a long lost light into our life  that isn’t blue light.