Reflecting forward

It’s a lovely thing looking back, reminiscing, mulling over memories or times gone by. What do most people do with what they see, hear, feel about where they’ve been? Do many people learn and do things differently going forward or do the majority repeat, repeat, repeat, creating patterns which become their past, present and future? I discovered this week that I have been one of the latter which actually was a) quite a surprise, b) an eye opener and c) a huge benefit to move forward. Let me introduce you to Bernard.

Don’t ask me why Bernard, it was a requirement to name this energy, this pattern, this behaviour to be able to release it and me and move forward. One small incident on Monday dragged up a pattern of behaviour I am certainly not proud of but acknowledging it and letting it go (or putting it in the back seat) has just opened a whole new world, a new future and way of being. 

My whole energy came from drama. I was at my best when a crisis occurs. I was a fixer, the superhero who flies in at the last second to save the day. Not a bad job one would think but when that need becomes something you inadvertently create to feel alive its bad.

So let me introduce you to Bernard…. He’s a magnificent energy who has the ability to make me feel alive, he’s fabulous in a crisis, loves the applause and adoration and he’s destructive, he’s dangerous, he’s negative and he’s the me that has to back off. Bernard has the ability to produce highs from nowhere but to do this he creates the lows, the darkest hours, the bleak negativity that makes the highs appear even higher, more exciting and wonderful. He’s destructive. I have spent my life with Bernard from at very least the age of 11 where I learnt the power of the adoration when Bernard is in town and he’s been here on a regular basis and even created my darkest hour. Why? Because in the recesses of my mind visiting the dark place gave rise to a momentous rise back to the top to the applause, the adoration, the “well done haven’t you come a long way”.

Don’t get me wrong he hasn’t taken away the feeling I have of satisfaction, pride, resilience that I have but now I know to tell him to sit in the back seat and hold his tongue because I no longer need the highs and lows, they don’t serve me. I’ve reviewed a great deal of my behaviours to understand Bernard to reflect forward all the good feelings he created and leave him with the drama, the fears, the unnecessary highs and lows. On Monday, after recognising Bernard and seeing him in all his glory and moving him to the back seat I was then stood on solid ground with two feet firmly placed there. I felt grounded, empowered, confident, courageous and most of all at peace. I had told Bernard to get in the back seat, even threatened him with the boot if he didn’t shut up, and I was reborn.

Is Bernard in your life? Is it time to let him go? Are you ready to be free, courageous and standing firm? 

A name, a number or who?

When someone asks me what I do today I give a very different answer to that which I did just four months ago. Why? Because then I was just a label, a title, a name. We all allow ourselves to become a label; so and so’s wife, mother, sister, employee, partner, husband, brother and I say allow for a reason. We allow our identity to be taken, to be given away, to be lost in a sea of lifeless, personless, energy depleted titles. This way we conform. This way we become the norm. This way we become the same.As a society we set expectations on what we do, when we do it, how we do it. We rarely stop to ask why, we infrequently put our heads above the parapet and give ourself a name of our own. It’s easier and in time we forget, we forget who we started out as, we forget the personality, the passion in our hearts, our dreams, what drove us to stand up about things we believed in. We forget to believe in ourselves.

Sometimes, just sometimes we reach a moment where we stop and say “hell I have a name and I want to be called by it and I am a person who deserves to be heard, be seen and be me”. At that very moment life begins again. At that very moment the small, insignificant fire inside your soul bursts into flames so high they can be seen from the heavens. That single statement means you are alive and you will become a better version of you. Why? Because you no longer allow others to dictate and you take back control.

Where are you? Who are you? Do you want to be the person you are destined to be? Are you ready to stand tall, take a chance, be willing to try and possibly fail, be willing to be scared, courageous, doubted, passionate, alive. If it’s yes then come on board and see where life can take you. At least stay with me and make a choice. There are no miracles but there is magic. The magic of listening, talking, watching, encouraging, nurturing, believing and progressing one step at a time. The magic of a caterpillar hiding away in the dark and gradually spreading its wings and saying “hey world look at me, I’ve arrived and my name is freedom, strength, beauty, inspiration and I am taking flight”.

So who am I and what do I do? I am by name Claire. I am by title a holistic therapist. By nature I am a healer. By spirit I am fire, I am passion, I am love, I am laughter and I am a dreamer. I am a portal for another soul to find freedom, find themselves by whatever means is right for them. I’m waiting for you to step forward, that’s all…..

The energy of life

So what is energy? We use the phases ‘they are full of energy’ or ‘I have no energy today’ so what are we describing? It’s appears to be the bounce, the fizz, the very lifeblood of who we are and how we function. When we perceive it’s there we are on a high, when we perceive it’s gone, we fall low.

Energy is with us, it is us, it doesn’t come and go and we can’t lose it. Energy is what we are made of, those atoms we are created of jump, hop, bounce and fizz incessantly each and every day and this is our energy. Now it may wane sometimes and we can pick up on others energy which can be positive or negative but it’s always there and will never go away. I don’t believe that even when we are dead it leaves, I believe there is always a trace of who we are and that’s the energy we created.

Being a massage therapist I work with energy all the time and much of the time I find it’s stuck. Yes that is possible. It may be that some injury is physically blocking the flow or the mind is holding it all back or creating road bumps. My purpose is to work with this energy and get it flowing again. 

Think about it, you are tired, you have a headache, you have sore shoulders and do not feel at your best on the energy front. Someone lays their hands on you, massages the muscles to take away the stiffness, allows you to relax and let your thoughts go; you have space, you have time, you are relaxed. Suddenly you feel the energy to get up and get on with life again so it must have come back to you? No it never left, it’s simply flowing again. Blockages are released, you’ve had space to just be and the energy is allowed to flow again. As a therapist there is noting more humbling than seeing someone leave looking lighter, happier, relaxed and breathing again. We hold so much stress in ourselves that I wonder whether some people ever know what relaxed feels like. 

If you are willing to stay and follow this journey we will look at life, it’s issues, the resolutions we can create and make ourselves better versions of us. Fancy the journey with me?