Crazy in love?

You see! With this world I am crazy in love!  I do not believe in god but I wish for one above. I wish for higher frequency. I wish for understanding. I wish for endless decency, in a universe expanding.
I wish for soul survival. The linking of twin flames. I bleed for new revivals. Wish I could stop the pain. I wish that I could do it all, for every beating heart. Legs akimbo, standing tall. My shoulders are your ark.
It’s now or forever. If we fail to change our ways. The world ain’t gonna wait for us. Her Embers are ablaze. I wish to end the suffering. For the cogs of mass production. I wish to save the world. I need no instruction!

Zoey Blaize 2018

These words were written by a very talented singer/songwriter friend of mine and their simplicity and power touched my heart. I have never been a warrior for the universe itself as such, more for the people in it but recent months have given rise to the fact that what we do to the world around us is a mindless lack of care and love.

When I was in Cuba recently we had straws with everything – even our coffee – my friend and I wanted to scream at them – “stop giving us plastic, do you not realise what you are doing, condoning, ruining!” We saw damage to the coral reefs. We witnessed the litter scattered on the beach and at the side of roads, all abandoned by people who just didn’t care and wouldn’t take responsibility for their part of the universes survival. We saw the poverty leading to its own person centred destruction.

I am not and never will be a fully fledged Eco Warrior but I am a warrior in my own right; fighting for people, for their right to space, time and good health, mental and physical. I fight for the earths right for survival as long as possible for my children, my grand children and the grandchildren of my grandchildren tp enjoy and explore. I fight for those who do not have the capacity to express themselves. I fight for love and hope and our future. I cannot make a huge impact but I can play my part.

So I ask you today if you care enough to play your part? It begins with you, with loving you, loving you enough to have the desire, fire and determination to impact the world – beginning with your world, beginning with you.

As Zoey says so beautifully “I wish to save the world. I need no instruction!… With this world I am crazy in love!




Naked. Vulnerable. Proud.

When you create a website for your business it is like laying yourself semi naked on the floor and allowing people in to view! I am laying myself right there. This is me. This is who I am. I cannot be anyone else. I will not be anyone else. I am comfortable in my own skin and am proud and blessed to be in a position where I can use what skills I have to heal people. People like you. So here I am. Take a look, judge me, message me, book a session and allow my therapies to take you to a part of you that you had forgotten existed.

It has taken me a long time to create this website – over a year in fact and for no other reason I didn’t know what to say. Who was I? Who was I talking to? Why did they want to listen? What could I tell them? What do I do? Was I ready to expose myself and all I have and all I am?

When you are a service provider you are your brand which means there is no hiding behind a widget that you make or a product that you sell – you are the brand and people buy you. To do that they must know you, so you have to be vulnerable and allow people in. They need to trust you – wow that is a biggie – trust a total stranger when you yourself are at your most vulnerable! They need to believe in something they cannot see, only feel once the treatment is complete. They need to know and understand self love or the ego and guilt trip of taking time for themselves will trip them up every time they try and call to book. They need to know self worth.

That is a huge set of requirements and I have to get that across on what…. a laptop, a mobile, a tablet…. a very personal experience on a very impersonal electronic device. A huge task.

Needless to say I began and stopped – my self worth, my ego, my financial constraints, me, myself, I – they got in the way for a long time and I allowed them to as this was all part of the process, my learning, my growth. I reflected, I listened to others, I learnt new skills and new ways of working, I found mentors and guides and I grew. Then the day came, as if by magic, I knew what I wanted to say and how to say it – I just opened my mind, my heart and imagination and allowed the creativity out. I didn’t think too hard, I didn’t have to – I just knew. I recreated my brand, I had videos created showing what I do, I wrote about who I was and why I do this but more importantly, what I can give to you – my prospective client and I spoke it all from my heart.

Now I lay myself here for you to judge not only me and my services but also your self worth. Do you deserve what I can give? Do you deserve to feel good, happier, lighter, broader, calmer, stronger? Do you deserve the time? Are you worthy? I know I can give you all of that but I have to let you get to know me so let’s begin – message me and let’s take a journey together. I have time, the ability and qualifications and the space. What will you bring to my table?

Blowing Trumpets – I write here too and you can see my website!

Are you good at what you do? Yes? Fabulous. Who do you tell? What do you mean you don’t? How do you promote who you are and what you have to offer the world? You can’t do that? Why not? Bragging? I don’t think so….

I am absolutely hopeless at standing up and saying “I am fabulous at what I do, can heal parts of you you didn’t know weren’t serving you and you would be absolutely insane if you didn’t use my business”.  But I think it and I believe it – so why can’ I say it out loud?

It is simple really, because I don’t want to stand out, I don’t want to be seen as a big head or arrogant, because I want to be accepted and not derided and I do not wish to fail or at least I do not wish to be seen to fail. Oh my, you can tell I am British can’t you! Get a grip woman – you are fabulous at what you do, you have a good business head, you have a gift that the world needs and you are genuinely a good person and your intent is always to ensure that someone feels better after an interaction with you. What’s the problem?

People are funny creatures and whilst they know what needs to be done, their ego or some other such idiotic character within themselves puts pay to whatever they try and achieve. What will people say, think, do…. does it/they really matter? If you have a passion for what you do and are good at what you do what is wrong with telling the world – think of it as a service you are providing. I provide a service of healing, caring, nurturing, supporting, empowering and all in a safe environment to enable people to explore and discover their own feelings, emotions, blockages and possibilities. How absolutely fabulous is that?

I allow people space and time to think about where they are in life, where they would like to be and then between us explore how they can make it with the ongoing support of my massage and holistic therapies. Oh my word why am I keeping so quiet? People need me. The world needs me. You need me. I need me (to be the person I was born to be).


Now get out there, pick up that trumpet and blow it hard!





The lost art of visiting our thoughts

When we take a pen and paper and open our minds and hearts to how we feel, what we are thinking, what we can see, hear and touch, or how smells and tastes affect us, we create magic.

Busy lives mean we compartmentalise our thoughts, feelings and emotions. We act on auto pilot and we can forget to express ourselves. A pen and paper invite us to do just that. Once of the oldest forms of expression we have.

An invitation: permission to express, discover how we really feel within the world of our subconscious self. The side of us we don’t always allow to hold a conversation with us. The side we are often too afraid to set free.

So, you have a pen and paper – but what to write? So often we cannot think of anything we want to say so we don’t begin or we crash out our thoughts on a keyboard, often in anger or frustration. Letters, creating words which are lacking in care, because their format is already pre-set and even. Handwriting will vary with the words, emotion, and the speed of thought to paper and become a picture of expression in itself. You may take time over how each word looks if the meaning is important to you.

Stop. Put your pen down. Take a breath. Close your eyes and take another breath and listen. To what? Listen to your thoughts. Keep your eyes closed and look into the dark recess of your head. The words are there. They may be humorous, they may be a double edged sword. They may be free and easy or hard to distinguish. They may make you laugh or cry or go to places you’ve tried to bypass for many years, but you can see them. Set them free…

Imagine being a word, a sentence, a paragraph or a whole story – wouldn’t you like to see the light of day once more and feel the air, the warm sunlight, the breeze as you move around and create shape and form on a page. Isn’t it time to release the old, musty, suffocating and stuck emotions attached to yourself. You have fear and sadness and anger wrapped around each of your letters. Set yourself free…

Find those words inside, talk to them, assure them that once you open the door and they flow from the pen that they will no longer hold emotions that make them feel overwhelmed and out of shape. No longer owned by you, they are free – no more attachment – no more past, just shape and form and colour on a page – a thing of beauty once more – no longer held back or embittered with unhealthy emotion and attachment to the past.

So, when you feel a moment where you need to express whatever is inside, visit those words in your head as you would an old friend and ask if they’d like to be set free and join with the words living in your heart. I am certain with encouragement and patience and the desire to be set free they will happily come forth and fill a page. Make their new home beautiful quality paper or a beautiful notebook – somewhere they deserve to live – and write them out with a beautiful pen and they will not only be happy to flow but will also create a work of art that is part of you. No longer angry or sad, but art created by your heart.

Read it back out loud and release them into the universe – free them from all they have meant to you – allow them to be words, just words, once more. No longer emotional baggage, no longer with a hateful sound – just words that can now move on and create new sentences and phrases – just like you – renewed, empowered and free to choose where they head next.

Why journal? It’s important to release, to let go, to create something new from an old story no longer serving you. Recycle without the emotional attachment. Let those words tell your story and then let them go – they are no longer yours – they no longer have an attachment to you, for you or to your past. They are simply beautiful words, enabling a language we should nurture and be proud to own, flowing across a page creating a picture of peace, breath and new beginnings.

Smarties at the bottom of the bowl

I love, love, love Smarties. I love to have some in a dish on my desk as a reward for getting all those administrative jobs done that we all hate and leave until they can’t be left any longer. They are my “eat the frog” sweets (your frog is your worst task, and you should do it first thing in the morning). The bowl this morning is empty and I have things to do – hell I need to go shopping….

What do you avoid doing? What do you do to encourage, cajole, force yourself to get them done? What’s your reward for getting lifes “frog” moments completed I wonder?

As well as Smarties, I love to do lists. I love, at the beginning of the week, to be able to collate all the jobs I need to do during the week, order them, colour code them (yes I have an traffic light system to depict urgency) and then print it off so it’s sat on my desk all the time. Oh the satisfaction of putting a scribble through each task when it’s done or at very least ticking it to show that I have made a start. BUT, there are things on there that I know have been there for far too long. Tadpoles let’s call them. They aren’t fully grown frogs but very soon they will be and I need to make a choice.

Now, do I get up tomorrow, get them done and reward myself with a Smartie (note to self – get to the shops asap) or do they stay on the list and I will try my hardest to tackle them or can I actually take them off as they have lost their importance or need to be done as I have left them so long? They are sometimes my “to be thought about” tasks – how to’s maybe or simply nice to haves. See I am already trying to justify why they are on there as well as my avoidance tactics! Get them dealt with !!!! They are on there for a reason – I know they are important!

Life has these all the time doesn’t it and we make excuses why we haven’t done them yet – you know the ones I mean – the ones that involve change, confrontation or just difficult conversation maybe, or the ones that mean we have to face ourselves in the mirror when we know we won’t like what we see. Oh yes I know you have already thought of yours but what’s your Smartie to get them done or, at very least, begun? Don’t use the excuse that there are no Smarites at the bottom of your bowl – the shop is not far away and you need to do these….



Falling through the cracks

Ever had one of those days where you feel that if you open your heart a crack will appear and you will fall right through. Falling not floating like Alice in Wonderland. Falling like off a cliff or from a plane with no parachute. Today is one of those days.

So much going on, so much to cope with, so many others to be strong for, so much for so many and not enough for me. I don’t know how to even begin but this is a start. I suffer from depression, but this isn’t it. I suffer from anxiety, but this isn’t it. I suffer from overwhelm – ahhhh there you go – that is what it is.

So many things to do, things to organise, things to look after, things to follow up on and still the mundane work life balance to maintain. Talk about it! Err I can’t – who do I do that with? All the people I would normally talk to are part of the overwhelm! Park it and move on with my day! So can’t do that, I’m stuck in treacle and have no escape. Take a breath and review the scale of this! Okay that seems doable. Let’s give it a go….

Three very deep and long breaths later and do you know that helps. It’s like putting on armour – to protect me, to give me strength and give me the focus I need to get through the next few hours. I am not looking further than that. I can’t look further than that.

Tears rust armour so they aren’t allowed but damn them they want to fall. Let them go and lose control or hold them in and put on a brave face? Normally I’d always advise to let them go but these ones I am not sure will stop and I have “stuff” to deal with today so I will let them loose when I’m done with the day.

When you want to help but are told you can’t – how useless do you feel? You feel responsible to make that person better but know they don’t want your help. You have to stand and watch – that is a torture and so very difficult to bear. When you want to mend but know you don’t have the skillset – how naïve can this make you feel? When you want to gather everyone else’s problems, illnesses and  issues together and tidy them up and sort them out but don’t know where to start – what a dysfunctional person you become.

Damn this overwhelm. This is taking over every thought, every action, every second. Take a breath and review the scale of this! Okay that seems doable. Let’s give it a go…. repeat and continue until the world makes sense again. Never mind looking to tomorrow, this afternoon is long enough away in time and this overwhelm cannot seep into it. Take it by the throat and take its very breath away by breathing with yours. Breathe in courage. Breathe in strength. Breathe in knowledge that you have the power. Breathe in, breathe in, breathe in. Breathe out overwhelm until it exists no more inside you.

You can’t fix the world, accept it but you can heal yourself. That is always the place to begin. Heal. Love. Empower. Self. Only when you’ve done that do you have anything at all to offer anyone else.

I am more than I appear to be, all the world’s strength and power rests in me! That means I do what I can, control what I can (my actions and responses to life and that is all) and be the best I can.

Overwhelm – do one!

A pinprick to the floodgates

Picture this and be there with me. Sat in a fishing village in Cuba, in a hotel eating lunch with a whole host of strangers. All of a sudden three ladies who looked to be visitors to the hotel stood. All similarly dressed so a curious trio. Another took her place at a keyboard and began to play. From these three came the most exquisite sound that took my breath away.

Then, a note or two in and my heart feels like it’s been held tightly and someone continued to squeeze. A tear leaves my eye and others follow. There is no stopping the flow.

“There’s a place for us. Somewhere a place for us. Peace and quiet and open air, wait for us. Somewhere. There’s a time for us. Some day a time for us. Time together with time spare, time to learn, time to care. Some day! Somewhere we’ll find a new way of living. We’ll find a way of forgiving. Somewhere. There’s a place for us. A time and place for us
Hold my hand and we’re halfway there, hold my hand and I’ll take you there. Somehow. Some day. Somewhere!”

With those words and with this exquisite sound I felt like the whole room could see what was in my heart. Memories spilling onto the floor for all to see. My private thoughts laid bare and naked to the world. A time, place and memories from another time in history all again so raw and feeling like they felt back then.

How many sights, sounds or smells can be the pinprick which allow the floodgates to open on our hidden memories? How many emotions have you, like me, kept inside for fear that when we let them loose the whole world will see the inner person we want so desperately to protect or hide.

For me it was pain of wanting but unable to have. Of loss that can never be replaced because time is cruel that way sometimes. Of love so deep you carry it for an eternity. All now laid out, naked, for these strangers to see.

But do they see?

No. This is my moment, these tears only mine and my emotions are invisible but this beautiful flow of words and music made my past come alive once more. Forgotten in time and yet now so real.

Maybe, just maybe, there is a time and place for each of us and one day, if the universe sees fit, maybe that time and place will be mine once more.

Allow your floodgates to open and breathe in the beauty of all that was and all that can be.

Say Something

Do you ever feel like there is something you have to say but don’t know where to begin? Do you ever get a cough or the feeling that something is stuck in your throat? Do you ever lose sleep because you know there is something that you need to address? The say something….

So often I have kept silent for fear of losing, fear of failure, fear of upset, fear of confrontation, fear of loss, fear of hurt, fear of getting it all wrong and fear of making a mistake bu saying it at all. Oh how often I have been driven away from doing or saying what is right for fear of all or some of these.

I’ve always done it – shied away from doing and saying what is right – and I wonder why I still come across the same issues and feel the same way – like Einstein said “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”. This insanity, my insanity, has to stop.

What could be worse than that sleepless night, where nothing you do or think makes your head switch off and allows the night to creep in and rest you? What could be worse than breaking out in a hot sweat when you hear the voice of the person you need to talk to or see them in the street? What could be worse than the outward signs, the physical signs of stress being noticeable to the world and everyone knows but no one will ask? What could be worse than feeling trapped in your own physical body and gradually feeling paralysed and unable to think, do or say anything at all; going so far into yourself that you are no longer recognisable when you look in the mirror?

What could be worse? Very few things for me. I gave up a long standing career because I felt like that every day but every Sunday was the pits. A Sunday was the day where my worries, shortness of breath and inability to communicate with those I love began. For a while I could shake it off by Tuesday or Wednesday but when it was every day feeling the same something had to give. There was no way out other than voicing what was inside. Was it terrible? Was it all the things I had feared or did I wonder what on earth I had been so afraid of – I think you have guessed the answer. So I learnt a valuable lesson and didn’t repeat the pattern? Well no I didn’t.

I still did what I say not to do and repreated the pattern but the joy this time was a I recognised it and created change. It meant speaking up and speaking out and putting myself and my future on the line. It was a huge change, a scary change and one which could come back to haunt me but I know doing the same thing isn’t going to help so I stick with it. I opened my heart to the universe, laid myself bare and said “here I am, this is I, I’m ready”. Let’s see where this goes !





Reflections & New Beginnings

I know that at this time of year many people talk about new beginnings, dreams, ambitions and goals but 2018 for me is most definitely a new year with new opportunities, new beginnings and the desire to be as successful at what I do as is humanly possible.

I don’t make new year resolutions but this year I have decided to look at what I want to see, feel, have achieved or be doing by 31st December 2018. Now I know what that looks like I can work back and implement learning and actions to achieve them.

Briefly looking back (as you must sometimes to see how far you have come and what you have accomplished), I see that 2017 was a year for listening to my body, taking better care of myself, seizing opportunities every time they arrived, learning, listening to those who I came into contact with and setting my sights on what was really the very essence of who I am.

In 2017 I stepped into my own space and found the home I had been searching for, for so long. It was within me.

I am a healer. That doesn’t just mean working through my gifts of massage and reiki but through listening to those in need of being heard, taking a positive approach to my life and sharing any wisdom or thoughts that come to me to hopefully instill that positivity in others and, in discovering me, helping others do the same and take a step forward on their voyage on this planet.

Healing people through massage, reiki, music, speech and words, creative therapy, nature, energy and love. It’s what I do. These are the gifts I have been blessed with and if I don’t use them I am avoiding my divine purpose. I include energy in this (hence ‘The Energy Magnet’), because that is who and what everything on this planet (and therefore the planet itself) is made from.

As we move through life we interact with plant, animal, human, object, all of which are energy in one form or another and as you know if, for example, you waft your hand through smoke it moves and maybe disappears – this happens with every single interaction you have in life – you interact and you change the position or state; you impact even on the smallest scale. Energy is all we are and you can make this a positive or negative experience. I wonder what impact you have on your environment? Positive or negative. Think about your words, your actions – are they can’t, won’t, hate, don’t, shouldn’t or fail or I am, can, will, love, power, success?

I wander away from where I began – reflection and new beginnings – take this first few days of a new year to think about what you want your year to be – you impact, you control, you have and make choices that will make it all you want it to be. Yes you may fall a little (that is how we learn) or a curved ball may take you off course for a moment (that is how we find our path) but if you are really strong in what you want and have plans in place to achieve them, what could possibly stop you? Only you.

Take stock of what last year gave you – everything has learning to be gained. I had some fairly low lows but they taught me lessons and more importantly I learnt from them. Once you have looked briefly back, turn around because that is it gone – it is no longer available to you – forward is the direction and there will be many paths to follow but you are in control and may choose whatever looks and feels right for you – for you I add, not someone else – your heart and your head may battle and only you can decide which to follow (I actually always listen to my gut) – this life is short and made for living. Live, don’t exist.

I wish you the most beautiful, successful, fun and happy 2018. No life is perfect but if we didn’t have the lows how would we ever learn to appreciate the highs? As I type away here, in front of me on my wall are seven achievements I will be experiencing by the end of this year and alongside each is a photograph to remind me why I live this life, why I love my life and why I am on this amazing planet earth. I wish you all well. I wish this planet and all riding on it well.






Let Go of the Steering Wheel

I have always needed to be in control of my life and sometimes, sadly, other peoples lives too, when they interact with mine. I feared change. I feared the danger of what could happen. I feared who I would become or how I would react, feel, or what others would think. Recently though, I have realised that to get the best out of myself and most certainly to get the best from others, I have to let go of control and take my hands off the steering wheel.

If you are on one of those children’s fairground rides where you are in a car and think you have the control of turning the steering wheel and keep it going in a circle, you continue turning it in that direction. If you suddenly decide you want the car (and therefore the ride) to go the opposite way, the logical thing is to turn the steering wheel the opposite way. How do you feel when you continue in the same direction?

Is there a dawning that you aren’t really in control at all? Do you feel cheated, angry, duped? Maybe you do but if you take another glance, you will see that your journey continues, the ride is still moving, the exhilaration is the same, you are safe and yet can still have fun and you can turn the steering wheel a different way and get that buzz of feeling like you are going against the direction chosen for you, without the fear of what will happen.

In life, you can be gripped onto that wheel, always turning the way you think you should go because you are in fear of what happens if you turn a different way or, heaven forbid, you let go completely. But do you know, when you let go, life continues (just like the fairground ride) and sometimes actually takes you to places that give you much more pleasure, experience, possibility, freedom and fun than ever staying in the direction you told yourself you had to go. It’s good, no, life changing, to take your hands off, lose a little control and just see what direction life takes you.

I know that I have become a more relaxed, happier, less uptight, more rounded and grounded individual. Why? Because I have trusted those around me to keep me safe, I trust those who know and care for me, will only be taking me in a direction to benefit me, to teach me, to grow me. I have finally trusted myself. I have finally believed in myself, my values, my gut, my judgement of people and places. I have realised that relationships are more fulfilling when you allow each other to steer sometimes; more exciting if you both let go and see where you end up; more secure when you trust that someone else has the wheel if you step away.

So will I be setting new year resolutions, targets, goals (controls) for the year to come? No. Quite simply no, not in the true sense of the meaning. I know how I’d like to feel at the end of the year, what I would like to know more about, where I would like to have been and to know I have served others in the process means the year has been all it was meant to be. Once I know that picture, all I need to do is step back and think “today what can I do to get myself one day closer to feeling that way, knowing that, getting to that place, serving those people”. Tomorrow, next week or next month is of no consequence. Today I can choose to take a step towards it and if, by chance, I don’t make it, then I will forgive myself and let it go.

Am I perfect? Hell no. Will I achieve all I set out to? Yes, but, if along the way I get side tracked by someone or something else that diverts me on my journey will I fret, stress or tell myself I’ve failed? Absolutely not. We all meet people who change our thoughts or teach us new skills and we all cross paths for a reason. Sometimes I will reach road blocks and have to divert and sometimes I will go downhill and sometimes up, but always it’s a journey I wouldn’t have had if I’d stayed on the track I originally planned (meticulously) as this year ends.

Here’s to new people, new places, new journeys. Here’s to control and freedom. Here’s to planned and unplanned. Here’s to steady away and total abandonment. Here’s to stories, here’s to freedom, here’s to a fulfilling and year to remember. And when I look back at all I have achieved will I be who I am now? No, but I will be damn proud and in love with who I have become.

I have to ask…. what are your plans for next year?