Looking Inward and Seeing Self

“Inward is not a direction. Inward is a dimension” Sadhguru Jaggi

Holding that mirror up is always a hard thing to do as not everything that shines back sits comfortably. I wanted to share with you if you don’t mind. I don’t have many who will understand but I hope you do.

Okay, so these are thoughts in my head that need to come out so bear with…..

I worked without supervision or a great deal of guidance (apart from the overall picture and goal) for many many years. I ran my own business and made my own decisions (may not be a success but I gave it my thought, my time, my all and I learnt and grew from it). I am an intelligent, thoughtful, caring person and I love what I do – it is my calling, my purpose, my passion – I am a healer. I’m not here to fix things or people but I am here on this wonderful plant to heal it and those on it.

I have never been effective when micro managed or when I’m being made to feel that my thoughts, ideas, dreams or ambitions are unworthy of vocalising or that I am thought of or treated as stupid and unreliable. When I give myself to a project, job, person, group I give all of me. 100% commitment and I live and breathe it. When I choose to work with or for someone they have my total respect, commitment, faith and trust and I expect nothing less in return.

I am not perfect. I am a work in progress. I am learning. I am experiencing. I am listening. I am changing. I am growing. I am positive. I am a fighter. I am an intelligent, wise woman. I am not a child. I am more than I appear to be and I have faith in all I do that it will succeed. I do not give my time to things that will fail. I make choices and I stand by them. I pick myself up and begin again as I learn from my mistakes.

I am here to make a difference.

I cannot survive without oxygen. I cannot grow if stifled. I cannot give if my hands are tied. I cannot be a better version if I do not get to challenge myself.

I used to have to be in control of everything in my life and those around me and now have learnt to let go. I am not the expert in everything and I have to accept others know more, can give more, have more experiences and skills to share – not better but different and I have to embrace that. I have to stand back and watch myself and my life and be honest to admit my faults and short comings and failings but also recognise my gifts and use them however they best serve me and those I work with, care for or love.

I am on a journey and the road ahead is not at all clear. I’m comfortable with that as I know the universe and god will keep me safe, true and on track. I have much to do before I leave this planet and I am ready.

I look in the mirror and I do not like all I see within me or around me so I am reviewing and changing. Another version of me maybe? I need to challenge me every day – who I am, what I do, where I am going and I expect others to challenge me too – if they are willing to do the same with themselves. I will not be kicked, trodden on or allow others to make me feel like I don’t have worth, don’t belong or cannot achieve all I strive for.

Doing the work I do I am faced with others gifts, shortcomings, failings and words and sometimes they sit comfortably and sometimes, especially when they act as a mirror to my own, they do not. That is not a reason to ignore them. Uncomfortable is good.

I cannot do this journey alone, nor do I wish to. I hope that my friends, family and colleagues will walk alongside.

Who walks with you? I will.

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