Yesterday evening was movie night. Not something I do often as I’m pretty useless as sitting all the way through a film, especially if it has a plot that goes all over the place. I like to watch a movie to simply be lost in the magic and become part of the movement on the screen, not to think too much about who is where doing what and how that links in with sub plots. So that said I went to see Dunkirk.
We all know the story don’t we? Well I thought I did but when you are faced with an adaptation of reality on the screen you begin to doubt you really knew anything at all. The sheer horror and fear but endless courage of these men and women was there in front of me and the real heart stopping moment for me was a medical ship leaving Dunkirk to take the wounded home. It was filled to the brim with the wounded and the dying, the medical staff and navy personnel. It was yards from the beaches when it was bombed and we had to watch the full horror of these already suffering men and women, as they surrendered to the sea.
Surrender. A powerful word in itself but an even more powerful action to have to endure. Surrender is the biggest thing you can do to experience who you are and your purpose in life. These men and women had no choice. The enormity of the ship, the ocean and their ultimate destiny far outweighed their strength to fight and this is the crux of surrender. How much strength do you have to fight? There comes I think, a point where there is no fight left, no desire to battle anymore and no energy left to strive to beat whatever is your enemy.
Mine was my own self and my mental health. What’s yours?
I fought myself for so very long and day in day out I was my own battlefield. My head, my heart, my physical body and my mental acuity, fighting, coming to blows, knocking one down and then being taken down by another. A constant barrage of fire. A constant alertness to avoid this enemy frontline of anger, guilt, trying to be the best at everything, being all to everyone and no one, perfection banging on the door constantly reminding me of my failings. It was exhausting and finally I simply had to surrender.
Surrender….. how did it feel? Perhaps you think difficult, traumatising, energy zapping and painful but no, in fact it couldn’t have been more peaceful, more beautiful and more serene. It was letting go of pain, hurt, emotional blackmail, fear, anger, ego, fight and just allowing quiet, harmony, reflection and serenity to come in. It was really quite beautiful. Imagine your worst nightmare day with noise, stress, anger, pushing, shoving, aggression, hurt, pain and a constant noise in your head that you can’t switch off. Then imagine silence, being wherever you are most at peace and doing the most relaxing thing you can imagine and then let go there. Sink into a warm, gentle place, where you are loved and safe and at peace with not only your surroundings but yourself. That my friend is surrender.
It will be different for everyone and its a place we should all experience in our life. Its not about giving in, losing or finality, it is most definitely a place from where you grow. These soldiers didn’t get to live but my heart likes to think at that split second of surrender they found peace.
Would you like to find yours? I’ll walk alongside you if you do. I get you. I know you. I feel you.