Clearing the weeds, losing control

Much weeding took place in the Energy Magnets garden this weekend. It can be a beautiful garden but if not tended regularly, can get overgrown very quickly and with the mix of sunshine and showers over the last couple of weeks, it resembled the jungle rather than an English county garden.

I’m sat this morning looking out on a newly weeded section and  the blackbirds, great tits, robins, sparrows and wrens are feeding greedily on the worms and other bugs that have surfaced and are now accessible. How this picture reflects life too.

We allow the weeds to grow around us. We allow life to tangle us up, entwining the beautiful and making it ugly. We allow our neat, orderly edges to become invisible so we can’t see where we begin or end. We sometimes cannot see out to see where we are going and we certainly stop the stunningly beautiful  flowers that we really are, be seen.

If we choose to, we can clear away the weeds. We can tend our own gardens and create order from the chaos, create beauty from the tangle and we can show all that we are for others to feed on. I say feed on because I wonder if you realise the impact you have on others (this it is not meant as a negative). When you are calm, happy and at peace with yourself, your thoughts and your actions, your energy is positive, large and infectious to others and they will feed from you and also begin to lose their weeds and begin to grow again. How you feel, how you act, how you grow will be visible and repeated by those closest to you.

My garden is large and needs constant attention. My life is busy and needs constant watching. I am complex and need constant growth. Attention, watching, growth and I have discovered recently; control. Even after all the personal development and growth I have achieved, I still need a high level of control, or believe I need it, for keeping life’s weeds at bay or catching curve balls and keeping them close to me or having all the answers to all the questions that keep me awake at night.

During the day I am busy, I am focussed, I am at peace with myself and what I’m doing and yet whilst I sleep, my brain, my unconscious thoughts, take hold like those weeds; fast moving and entwining themselves with my comfort, peace and stress free heart. At night I fall asleep but within a few short hours I’m awake again with thoughts, ideas, worries or questions racing around and I become strangled, unable to breathe properly and the night becomes long and I become frustrated once more.

I need to go back to why I still need, or again need this control. What is missing from my life, what I am searching for, why am I losing sleep in a life that is turning into perfection. I believe the answer can be summed up in one word…… CHANGE. I struggle with it and controlling things has become my way of handling it. Change – a subject for another day but at least I have found where to begin weeding.

 

 

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