“No! You stay alive. Submit, do you hear? You’re strong, you survive. You stay alive, no matter what occurs! I will find you. No matter how long it takes, no matter how far, I will find you…” (The Last of the Mohicans)
I have never seen the film so have no idea what this quote refers to or in fact have very little idea what the film is about but the quote resonates. I had something like this said to me and I now say similar to others. I will not allow others to sit in that place I was; if I do I didn’t learn.
Many people suffer, we know that and many people suffer very publicly but the ones I am more concerned for are those who suffer alone because they won’t or can’t ask for support. Maybe they feel weak, maybe they feel they are not worthy, maybe they don’t know which way to turn or maybe they have been shunned or let down so won’t ask again. I have been asked why I write, why so public with what are very raw and considered to be private emotions, thoughts and feelings?
Why? Because no one should think that they have to keep inside what hurts and have no one listen and no one should feel judged or shunned because of how they feel inside. I put me on paper, warts and all, because others need to know there is always someone out there who understands who they are and will listen if asked. I have nothing to hide anymore, I have something inside so strong that I have to give it away so others can share in it.
If you find my writing too much please don’t read any further but before you go just ask if you find my words too much because they reflect you (and that hurts). If that is the case then I beg you to stay because it means I have found you and you me. There’s a reason you read my words so do not judge, do not worry about me and my feelings, I write openly and publicly and honestly because the words are all I have to open a door to someone (maybe like you) who needs me; needs ears to listen and a heart to care. Do not fear what you see in yourself because I have your back.
I tell my story to anyone who cares to ask or listen and am always surprised at how many others have had similar paths to walk or are still somewhere along their own personal journey. If you don’t know my story you only have to ask and I will tell you that no one should sit on my sofa. If you know me you will understand.
I’m a survivor (just like Gloria Gaynor said I would be) and I’m passionate about who I now am and see the beauty in every day, the light in the dark and the sparkle in someone else’s eye, even and especially when they don’t, so don’t you dare give in. I see you. I see your hurt, I see your pain, I see your frustrations and dreams you think are gone or have faded. I see you! I see the outside face you give the world and I see your inside and know their colour, their shape, how they feel too muchor feel nothing and I will find you….