Not missing but empty

Some time ago I went for some healing. I didn’t really feel anything at the time and yet for 24 hours afterwards I was feeling strange. There was something different. Not missing but empty. I couldn’t explain it. Then it dawned. I have been suffering with IBS for as long as I can remember and the pains and cramps were gone. I had been experiencing them so long, when they were gone I felt lost without them.

People make me feel this way too. For so, so long I had a gap where my mum had been, my two Angel babies, loved ones who’d left my life. Only when I healed the hurt did I find peace. I find I experience this emotion still but this time not with the dead but those living and also things I want to achieve and until they are with me I am empty.

How to describe?

It’s a darkness. Not a sad darkness. It’s a gap, a void. Not a painful one. It’s a piece of me missing. Not an unhappy one. It’s just empty. Nothingness. A space that other things cannot fill. It’s emotionless. It’s a jigsaw piece that you are missing and you know what or who fits it perfectly and yet you have to wait, you have no choice. It’s beautiful and yet makes you lost. It’s silence when you want noise. It’s stillness when you need ripples. It’s feeling not quite you. It’s acceptance but only because you have to not because you do. It feeling not quite alive.

What’s missing from you? Do you have a gap, a hole, a dark space and someone else has the light? It’s doesn’t make you sad and yet you’re not quite happy. It’s not that you’re broken but you aren’t quite whole. It’s not missing and yet you’re empty. Can you identify it? Do you know who or where that piece (peace) can be found?

I do and I will wait until that piece/peace is with me once more. 


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