Not cooking but over-egging the pudding

I’m no chef and in fact I’d rather go out for dinner than cook myself but I am an absolute expert at over-egging the pudding….. oh my word when something gets under my skin and makes me happy I pick and pick and overthink it until I have absolutely ruined it. It’s something I have done my whole life and you would think after nearly 52 years I would have learnt wouldn’t you!

I guess it’s from a lack of patience and wanting things now, a lack of self confidence and a lack of trust that whatever happens is for the best and is what is mean to be. Heaven forbid I should actually enjoy the process and believe the outcome will always be the right one and I may actually enjoy it all and be happy. Wow does happy ever after really exist….

But no more she cries! When you sit with someone and they place it before you in black and white and tell you point blank to stop overthinking the situation, its like a bolt of lightening coming from the heavens and hitting you between the eyes. That’s it! That’s what I do every time I am happy and looking forward. I question and pick and dig and wonder and play what if and gradually dissolve everything that was giving me pleasure.

Why? Because I don’t, no, I haven’t, felt worthy of being happy. I have always assumed that I should just watch everyone else enjoying the party that I am hosting and actually just take pleasure that they have had fun and now I can clear up after everyone. That is my purpose.  Well damn you woman that is not the case at all. You have worked hard, you treat others well and you’re a good person who loves to love and laugh and touch and be touched by good positive people. I deserve happiness and success..

I reflected today that if I was my mum sat here now looking ahead and worrying about everything that could go wrong and I can do all that fun stuff tomorrow, I wouldn’t know I only have 8 years left and then the time would be gone and I would get no more chances. That is not an option for me. I am not wasting what time is left on planet earth, whether that is a week or another 30+ years. No more wasting time and energy, no more believing only others deserve to enjoy life.

🎶She’s just a girl, and she’s on fire. Hotter than a fantasy, lonely like a highway. She’s living in a world, and it’s on fire. Filled with catastrophe, but she knows she can fly away. Looks like a girl, but she’s a flame so bright, she can burn your eyes. Better look the other way. You can try but you’ll never forget her name. Everybody stares, as she goes by because they can see the flame that’s in her eyes. Watch her as she’s lighting up the night. This girl is on fire!🎶

Think about your own life for a second. Does any of this resonate with you? I hold my hands up and admit my frailties quite publically so I and others can learn from them – are you willing to admit yours, even just to yourself? Are you the best chef delighting yourself and others with your skillset, love for what you do and infectious enthusiasm or are you over-egging it all and destroying what could be an awesome banquet?

 

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