How long will you go on before you admit you’re broken? Are you ashamed? Do you fear what others will say? How long have you been telling yourself you are okay and it will pass, it will go away tomorrow? How long have you hidden this from everyone else around you and don’t tell me you haven’t because I’ve been there and I know you will be telling everyone “I’m fine”.
A smile will be painted on but I promise you it never reaches your eyes. Do they notice?They notice that you are always bright and shiny. They notice you appear to love everything you do. They notice that you look fabulous. They notice that you have a great job. They notice your happy marriage and marvellous family life, free of worries. They notice it all. They just don’t notice you and how you feel because you cover it up too damn well. What an expert!
They don’t notice that you jump when spoken to because you feel you have to rise into action when they appear. They don’t see the tears on the pillow. They don’t hear the desperation in your voice when you cry “please someone let me sleep / please let me get through this day / please don’t let them hurt me again”. They don’t see that the bank balance is overdrawn again and you are worrying about your mortgage payments or even the food bill for this week. They don’t see the person worrying about the emotional abuse you get every day at work. They really don’t see you at all do they….
So how long will you wait before you hold out your hand and ask for help? How long before you realise there are safe places, spaces for you to step into and let it go? How long before you lay yourself bare and admit you need someone else to step in and walk with you whilst you sort this out, find you, breathe? It took me nigh on 15 years, gradually getting deeper and deeper into the dark hole I dug for myself…. please don’t leave it that long. If you’ve already beaten that record don’t you think its time? Your time.