Missing you missing me

When the night won’t keep you in your dreams and it seems so long and empty where does your head go. I know for a fact many friends and acquaintances reading this have trouble sleeping and I wonder where you go to find peace in those hours of tossing and turning, of fighting with sleep, of getting up and getting back in.

I sometimes just roll round and round hoping to get comfy and go back to sleep. I sometimes give up and meditate or read or even do housework. I sometimes write in my journal to get thoughts out of my head to give it some rest and sometimes I just think about life. The latter was the theme in the early hours when sleep evaded me for a while. I wasn’t doing bad and I’m sure it felt longer that I was awake then reality but it was long enough. Long enough to hear the words ‘I miss you’.

Do you miss anyone? Do you feel so empty inside on occasions that nothing seems to fill the gap? Do you ever feel like the jigsaw puzzle that can never be complete because you have lost some of the pieces, maybe even the last one that would make you whole again? Do you ever have the desire to just touch that familiar face and see it smile back at you? God that thought makes my heart contract tightly and a memory leave the corner of my eye.

It’s easy to miss someone but do you know what it feels like to know you are the one being missed? I spent years being that person. The sad thing was I was actually there in body but my head, my heart and my thoughts lived elsewhere, so being present in that moment was a mystery to me and sadly I wasn’t even aware I had gone missing. The day when that realisation dawned was the day to go into myself, like a caterpillar in its crysalis and emerge some months later as a butterfly. 

Being missed is one of the most difficult things because unless you are told it is unlikely you will even know. When you know what can you do? Well in that situation, I had a choice. I could stay missing or come home, come back to me. In coming back to me I came back for my children and I promised them there and then I would never leave again. Knowing someone is missing you hurts. It’s a sort of good hurt as you know at least they care but they are hurting just the same. Choices, decisions, call them what you will, they may be temporary fixes or permanent solutions but change has to happen to make I miss you into hello.

I will take the positive from ‘I miss you’ and know I am blessed to have experienced giving love and being loved in return. I accept that ‘I miss you’ gives me choices in my life, decisions can be made and options taken and that is exciting as it means change and change is good. You can miss those gone and you can miss those far away and if you live with the missing person in your life (especially if it’s you) make sure they know and support them whilst they find home. 

Whoever you think of when you read this, tell them, they might be missing you too. On that conversation you could change lives.

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