Leave whilst you still love

🎶I think I’d better leave right now before I fall any deeper🎶

I had an interesting conversation with someone yesterday and it made me think a while. They had a long standing marriage, had a family and the wife shouted at her husband once, he left and the marriage was over. Obviously I have skipped over the size and content of this but I’m stressing the one major fall out.

I was appalled that someone could give up on a relationship so easily after all that time and then I listened some more. They went on to explain and let me know that they walked away because they knew this would not be the last time they rowed and each time would add more hurt, more anger, more bitterness into their relationship. They knew that this was the beginning of hurting their children with the arguments. It was the beginning of losing everything they cherished about their relationship. It was time to walk away.

Ridiculous I hear you say. How could they have loved if they gave up so readily? Why didn’t they fight to improve what they felt so much for? All valid questions but just think a second. If they loved the person they were with and all that entailed why would they want to tarnish it further than this row had already done. What is wrong with walking away whilst you still love instead of hating the person and losing everything? What is wrong with living separate lives whilst still maintaining a relationship with your partner and children and still having that family care for each other?

It maybe because I am getting older, it maybe because I allowed my relationships to implode before I walked or it maybe that this is a sensible approach, that I can actually see why they did what they did. Listening to them talk so passionately about their partner, their children and all the pride wrapped up in that it clearly worked for them so why knock it? It’s not your average way of dealing with it but I believe it takes a huge amount of courage to walk away whilst you love and harder than when you hate.

I’m not advocating that you have one fall out and give up on all you have I just want you to stop and think before you judge people. I judged him yesterday after the first sentence “she shouted at me so I left”. If I had closed my ears at that moment I wouldn’t have heard an eloquent man talk with such love and passion about what they now had, his pride, his adoration, his courage. I would have judged him and clouded all I thought about him going forward. I have respect for him and for him making it work ‘outside the norm’.

So today maybe you won’t judge someone as quickly or create a picture within one sentence but listen to their words and think a while. Turn it round and maybe ensure you aren’t judged because you don’t explain, don’t speak passionately, don’t live with conviction.

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