My darker half

I love graveyards. I have a total fascination with the people that lie below, still, decaying, once loved and treasured and yet now left to lie alone in a dark, cold world below our feet. I would happily spend hours, trawling round the headstones, searching the oldest residents and the youngest lost to those who loved them and yet in some cases, had no time to know them before they were gone.

Would I want to be buried there? Absolutely not…. I don’t wish to lie alone, cold, decaying and the fodder for mother natures beasts of the soil. I abhor creepy crawlies and am absolutely certain I will not appreciate their spindly legs and wriggly bodies any more in death than I do now.

Turn me into dust, allow me to be soil for a tree (no bugs just the new style burial pods) or throw me into the air and let the winds take me where they will. No matter what you do with me I am gone. Do with my body what you will but keep me alive in your heart – its all I ask. Keep me alive by sharing my dreams. Keep me alive by being positive and making the most of your life. Keep me alive by loving those around you. Keep me alive by treating everyone like you wish to be treated. Keep me alive by watching out for the underdog, the loner and the quiet one. Not too much to ask is it?

I do not fear death. I used to. I do not worry about what I will feel or where I will go. I worry about all that I will miss, not see, not be part of, so keep me alive by sharing my memory with those you interact with. My dark side is vain enough to think I will be missed. I will by some and others will maybe grieve a while but will soon move on with their lives. That’s only right. I hope those I love will do the same.

Why so dark today? Am I feeling lost or alone or has the black hound appeared at my side? No not at all. I am simply acknowledging my own mortality as this week I say farewell to another one lost to mental health issues. Another who felt so far away from life that they couldn’t come back. Yet another lost soul we couldn’t reach out to and hold safe in our hands.

How fragile our lives. How fragile our minds. How fragile the thin veil from this world to the blackness beyond. If only…. words we could use in hindsight for most things but let’s stop using them for those lost to that damn black dog and his pack of horrible, disturbing, life sucking hounds. Let’s get ahead of him and talk about him, be aware, be sensitive to those around you, be brave to ask if someone is struggling, be courageous to stand up and take the lead when they don’t seem able and let’s steer those who are already in his eye line, back to the light and the rainbows and the arms of those who love them.

I love the graveyards, I love the headstones, I love the peace but I do not wish to stand and see any more people I care for beneath my feet. Let’s stop this now and stand together for those with mental health problems. Let’s be their voice when they have no words left.







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