I’ve never been one for sharing my personal ‘stuff’. I’ve never been one for opening up to people unless I really knew them well – in fact let me be honest as that is a lie – I simply have never truly opened up to anyone in full. Many people may get little bits but no one person has the whole picture. Well, maybe one.
Chameleon springs to mind. I have spent years being all things for all people. To fit in, to not stand out, to hide in the background. Sound familiar? Heaven forbid I should actually put my head above the parapet, find my voice and shout from the heart “I am here and I am me”.
That I can say is the past and we all know that is where the past must stay. Today I stand before you naked (not literally as that is a step too far), I bare my soul, I voice my opinion, I share me and if you embrace me for who I am and what I have to give that is fabulous and if you don’t we are not meant to cross paths and I wish you well. I will no longer lose sleep and confidence over people who don’t get me, think I’m odd, don’t value me or my voice or are just plain mean to me.
That is a huge statement from a woman whose purpose is to heal because when I see someone who is hurting, mentally or physically, my natural urge is to heal them. I now accept I cannot heal anyone who doesn’t want it and that has been a hard truth to be comfortable with. I have come to learn that some come as clients with a genuine need and desire, some come as friends to be loved and cared for, some as voyeurs to see what this touchy feely world is all about, some come for sordid curiosity and some arrive at my door and don’t know why – they are my ideal people. They just know they need to change but haven’t a clue where to start and somehow we connect and off we go on a journey to their ideal world, their ideal them.
No I’m not touting for clients. Who I am at work, for the first time ever, is who I am in life. I have people arrive in my life who just need me or I need them. We discover together what that looks like, how long it is meant to last and, if we have to, we say goodbye when the moment is done. I used to fight it as losing people hurts but now I understand we are all just passing through, we all intertwine and we all need something from someone, even though we may not see what we gained along the way.
Yesterday I shared my heart, today I bare my soul….. I am spiritual, I have no real faith. I believe there is good in everyone but it is their choice as to whether they let it show. I am tactile and need physical contact to connect to the part of each of us that needs another being. I crave the spotlight on occasions but am more than happy blending in to let another have their moment. I need quiet and reflective moments to regain my strength. I give me to everything and everyone. I am what you see and nothing more. I don’t play politics or games but I do hurt if someone plays them with me. I give unconditionally. I cry if I’m hurt. I laugh from the inside out and I smile with my eyes as that is the window of my soul.
Who are you? What’s your story? Are you a chameleon? What’s inside you that you’re dying to let go free?