Nothing profound just personal

My meditation complete and in my head what is there for you all today? Silence. I slept more last night than I have done in the last three and how do I feel? Revitalised, reenergised, at peace, calm, ready to take on all the day and the world throws my way and I’m genuinely complete. I am pretty useless when I don’t sleep, cranky, emotional, short tempered, negative (in comparison to a normal day) and can’t see the wood for the trees. I make everything bigger and more complicated than it is and I stop breathing properly.

Why am I telling you this? Actually because there is nothing else in my head this morning. That’s a good thing sometimes. It means that I have cleared my thoughts and worries and those little niggles whilst I have slept and left space for the positive, the happy thoughts, the ability to make beauty from anything, the opportunity to see my world as it really is – awesome.

As there is nothing burning through my brain to share with you I thought I would share a little about me. I was a sixties baby, I had a super childhood, loving parents, was bullied at school, was always quite bright but didn’t enjoy school so just did what I had to rather than what I could, I was a dancer, I love to laugh, I suffered chronic depression, I have two amazing children, I lost two babies, I have a very small friendship group, I am a massage therapist and one of life’s coaches, I meditate every day to find my inner peace and I have a heart.

The last one for me is most important. The most important people in my life will tell you I wear it on my sleeve. This is sometimes a dangerous place for it to be as it can get bumped and bruised but better that than being locked away in a beautifully wrapped box and only brought out for special occasions like grandmas fine china. Why is having a heart so profound when we all have one? Well I suppose for me it’s my shop window, my advertising, my shining light to the me I keep guarded. If you can touch my heart you have a friend for all eternity. Break it and I will forgive but but never allow you near it again.

My heart is who I am and I do not give it freely. To touch it you must be open, trustworthy, honest, authentic, accountable for your own actions and you must also be willing to allow me to touch yours. That you may think is an easy request but when you are speaking to the woman who kept her heart locked in about seventeen boxes for many many years, I can assure you it is not. It is the first and last portal of penetration to my soul so it is the most precious gift I have. I give you this and you have it for all eternity.

My heart is divisible many, many times over. It is big. It is squishy. It is tough. It is open. It is warm. It is crimson red and velvety to touch. It is a safe haven. It is security. It is peace for a restless mind. It has the ability to give love freely to those who need it but not be loved by just anyone. I gave it in full only once. My children fill it. My friends all have their spaces and yet I always manage to find room for another one. It’s a bit like the tardis once you get inside.

Am I painting enough of a picture for you to see your own heart. I don’t mean the one that beats in your chest, we all have that one as its our life source. I mean the one you carry with you as a spare, the one you share with people you know, strangers, friends, family and yourself. What size is it, could it be bigger? What shape is it? Colour? Comfort? Do you keep it boxed? Do you give it away without setting rules? Does it have a use by date on it? Does it have conditions? Can you give it away without fear? Think about it today as you do whatever you do. Use it wisely and if it’s not usual practice, try putting it on your sleeve for an hour or two.

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