We all feel lost and loss at some point in our lives and recently I have had that feeling in the very pit of my stomach and not understood it as I’m very happy. It felt wrong to feel so good but have something missing at the same time. Then I realised that there is more than one way to feel lost.
I remember as a child feeling lost when I couldn’t see anyone I was supposed to be meeting and I cried. I didn’t know what to do, where to go and felt abandoned. Looking back it was ridiculous as I was 20 minutes from home, knew the way and was simply earlier than I need to be! It stays with me still though.
There is also that moment when you don’t know which way you should be heading in life. You know there is somewhere else you would rather be but you aren’t quite sure of its location and therefore which way you should be heading to arrive there. It’s an emptiness that can haunt you, paralyse you from making any move at all or can make you complacent and stay where you are – from sheer laziness or bloody-mindedness.
Loss itself. Loss, whether it be the loss of a life, a friend, a parent, a partner, a child or just leaving someone behind that you care for whilst you go your separate ways, even temporarily, can be totally intolerable. That emptiness, that gap inside, that feeling like part of you has being taken away even though you appear physically to have all you began with. It’s a black hole, it’s loud, it’s lonely, it’s cold and it is a feeling you can neither name or picture, you just know its there inside you.
Then there is my real favourite because being lost is sometimes an absolute joy and blessing. I am a hopeless romantic so for me it’s that moment when you fall into someone’s eyes and lose all sense of time and space. When they seem to drink you in and hold you, capture and captivate you and a single second can seem like hours.
I know which my loss is now and that makes me comfortable with it. I can deal with what I know to be and trust the universe to guide me to make the best of it. I think what I am saying is that it is actually okay to feel lost on the understanding that you firstly know what the loss is, how it feels, where it began, its cause. After that you can learn to accept it, move on maybe, never hide from it, always be honest to others about it, share it, and maybe even celebrate it. In that moment of acknowledgement or sharing you may find the loss is smaller or has even left you, no matter how temporarily.