Forgive Yourself

How many times have you made a decision that you have later regretted? It may have been a good idea at the time or it felt the right thing to be doing, but when it came to it, it was wreckless, stupid, selfish or not worth the pain you’re experiencing.

We all do it and can spend hours, years or even a lifetime making ourself feel bad. We are only human and to make bad choices is actually okay, if you learn from them.

Recently I made a decision and immediately my gut said it was the wrong one. I made it for all the right reasons but the petulant child in me wasn’t prepared to wait, I had to have it now! I have since spent time arguing with myself over the decision to go ahead or change the original plan, knowing all the time that the latter was actually the only option.

Due to this argument I beat myself with a stick on a daily basis, arguing the point until I had paralysed myself and couldn’t go forward and couldn’t go back.

Something had to give and a choice, one with a clear head and an ear on my gut instinct had to be made. Even though I made a decision and knew the decision was right, I made myself feel so guilty. Only once the tears had come, a great surge like a tidal wave hitting me could I move on. Tears like I’ve not let go in many years. Tears for what, sadness, guilt, acceptance? No. Simply feeling sorry for myself, like the tantrum throwing child who didn’t get their own way

My goodness! I’m an adult and the only person making the original decision was me, the only person creating the guilt was me, the only person reversing the decision, me and the only person embarrassed was me. How soon and how easily we revert to a childlike state. Only after a friend gave me a verbal slap for being so ridiculous did I realise I had to forgive and again it wasn’t for anyone else, it was for me.

You just have to accept sometimes that you are human, that you make decisions that are wrong, even though they feel so right and that you will probably do something similar another day. Forgive yourself, draw a line under it, learn and move on or you will paralyse yourself from doing anything again. Learn, listen to your own instinct as to what is right and what is wrong, what is good for you and what is going to cause you stress or pain. 

It’s taken me days to forgive myself for making the wrong decision. It’s okay to want something so bad that you don’t think it through. It’s okay to be wrong. It’s okay to go back on a decision but it’s essential to forgive.

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