I can only speak from a woman’s perspective on this but it is likely this sits with men too. There comes a time in life when you lose yourself, lose your identity, lose why you are who you are.
It’s been a few years now since I realised I lost me, a distant memory of a shapeless human, no face, no distinguishing features, no voice, no colour. A grey, shapeless human with no name, no title, no purpose. A distant memory but I know how it feels as it’s engrained like a tattoo, acting as a reminder lest I forget, in case I ever find myself wondering in the future who I am and why I’m here.
To have no purpose in life is like looking at wasteland. To have no purpose, no mission is like a void wrapped in a thin layer of grey skin. To have no purpose exists in too many lives. Too many lives have been touched by this disease, this illness. This theft of personality, of sparkle and of thought is the worse thing we can allow to happen to ourselves as it creates chaos, disorder, sadness and a void many never fill again.
Imagine if you will a day where you wake and no one needs you. You have spent all your time caring for, feeding, washing for, cleaning up after, working to pay the bills, reading with and loving. You hold their hands, you guide, teach, protect. One day you have done your job so well that they stand on their own two feet and manage alone. The relationship with your children, your partner, your friends is unrecognisable. Even the person looking back at you in the mirror is unrecognisable.
If you see these words and feel them resonate against your flesh and your heart and filter through the layers of grey into the void, be assured that deep inside there is an answer, there is light and the you you knew is there. You may have to reshape what you see, you may have to get to know them all over again, you may even have to decide to leave them there and begin again, a new creation, a magnificent masterpiece. I say masterpiece because that is what you are. A thing of beauty, of style, from an imagination so vibrant that it can create anything.
Life took you away and lost you but there is always a way back if you choose to search for the path. You still have a purpose but you may need to decide on a new one but this is where it’s so exciting because you get to choose. What would you like it to be? What’s your passion? What gives you a chill down your spine when you think of it? What are you good at? What have you always wanted to learn, experience, create?
Life’s purpose isn’t just one thing. As life changes, as you change, your purpose changes too, sometimes we can see it straight away and sometimes we have to find it but find it we do. If you are still searching never give up, just look in a different place, with different eyes.