This year is the first time I have ever really understand people, who they are and why I sometimes click instantly, why sometimes I don’t trust them and why I sometimes feel uncomfortable with and around them. It’s all about values.
I had no idea until this year, setting up my own business, developing me and my personal journey and growth and interacting with more and more people, that I even had a set of ingrained values. Buttons have been pushed in me for such a long time time and I’ve never really understood and me being me always allowed myself to feel it was my fault or something in me that was the issue. No! It was as simple as someone else’s behaviours, words, attitudes crossing the values that I hold deep inside.
My values may have come from my childhood, picking up some of my parents values and some I think have established over time but I am quite clear as to what they are now. I am open minded, I try to always be generous with my time for/to others and I will help someone if they ask me BUT cross my values and I will really struggle and may even get to the stage where I have to back away or say a straight no or even remove myself from their lives.
Harsh you may think. Selfish you may say. You may be right but my personal development has shown me the effect that a person crossing my values has on my personality, my energy, my emotions and my responses. Allowing others to cross my values exhausts me because I try and try to give the benefit of the doubt or help them or guide and support them. Allowing others to cross my values deflates me, especially when I don’t see it coming as they’ve painted me a picture of who they are and then I find it’s not a true reflection. Allowing others to stay in my life after crossing my values is not usually an option.
This all may sound like my way or the high way but it really isn’t. I know now that to surround myself with people who are honest, authentic in their words and actions and take responsibility for who they are and what they do, I become the best version of me and can give and do and achieve so much more for and with them. It’s about taking responsibility for your own values and living by them. No compromise. Values are not your rules as such, values are the very core of you, what makes you who you are, so going against them at any stage will make you very uncomfortable and you may not always recognise why if you don’t know or understand the values you live by.
Think for a minute….what do some people do that pushes your buttons, makes you react, makes you cross, sad, angry, frustrated…. Why are their actions making you feel that way? What was it in that action in particular? So why did that particular action rather than others hit home? Keep asking and answering because eventually you will get down to the root of the value you hold dear and it will all become clear.
For me it was a light bulb moment and opened up a whole world of understanding for and about me, gave me answers to questions about me and why I’ve reacted certain ways or behaved certain ways for years and years. It also gave me confidence that I’m not weird, different, stroppy or awkward, I simply hold values deep in my being and live by them. If others don’t, I act upon it. No more complicated than that. You can’t change your values I don’t think. They are the air you breathe. Don’t be afraid to live by them and be true to them. You will be a better person for it I promise.