I was once so scared of my own emotions, so overwhelmed by them I fought them every single day. I was scared to love, scared to love me, scared to love others. The power of that emotion was so strong I thought if I allowed myself to feel I would lose every ounce of control and my world would fall apart. I felt that if I loved all the emotional baggage I carried would be released and I wouldn’t be able to cope. A bit like a dam, once there was a small crack in the wall the end result was too big to even consider.
To lose control and allow yourself to feel is, I have since learnt, the best thing you can do, the only thing to do. Until you surrender to your own emotions you will never gain. Without giving, giving you, you have a very lonely life ahead of you. People will try to penetrate this wall you are stood behind, they will chip away and chip away. Some will try harder than others but eventually they will all give up because the task is too hard, too big and with nothing but frustration and hard work there is no pleasure.
To make yourself vulnerable is one of the scariest things to do. To lay yourself naked of all barriers and say “this is me take me or leave me” is frightening as someone may well choose the latter. It’s okay. You will survive.
The freedom that surrender brings is quite indescribable for me. It’s a lightness, warmth, vivid colour. It’s a tinkling laughter, like that of a very small child. It’s the smell of freshly mown grass on a warm summers day. It’s a dark cavern lit by the vibrancy of diamonds as a light is shone. It’s silence, a silence so peaceful that it fills you with love and an overwhelming sense of just being.
My purpose in life, through my massage, is to provide for you a safe haven, a place of calm, safety, security where it’s okay to just experience being you, to listen to your own thoughts. I keep the space. I watch over you while you surrender to your own emotions and let them go. My promise to all those lost, scared souls out there is to protect whilst you find your way home.
Surrender to your emotions and explore the world with eyes that you’ve never seen through. It’s amazing.