Making eye contact

How easy is it to tell someone how you feel, what you want, or that you love them without looking at them? I think it’s relatively easy if you want to do it without emotion or being involved with the conversation or the person and yes people do say I love you, I want you, I need you in writing to avoid the emotional connection. It’s called habit.

If you have to have a difficult conversation with a friend, a colleague or an employee we all know or have experienced the ease in which it can be done via email, over the phone or via a letter. Facing them and watching them crumble, get aggressive or accept your words with a heavy heart is uncomfortable, heart breaking and can be emotionally traumatising, dependent on the subject matter.

If you are bored in a relationship, want to end things, need to tell them there is someone else or it’s time to separate how easy is it to do without an emotional connection if you don’t have to look them in the eye.

But imagine….. 

You have the person in front of you, another human, maybe lost, maybe emotionally distraught, maybe angry at the situation they are in and you look them in the eye. Say nothing, just look. Really see the person, look into their eyes, feel what they feel, feel what you feel and choose your words very, very carefully. Can you still say what you would have said in written word? Can you still say it but you choose different words? Can you say it in the same matter of fact manner you may have used before? 

If you have a friend, partner, wife, husband that you need to talk to; one of those really hard conversations, think about the words you need to find, but before you open your mouth look them in the eye. If you cannot say them, ask yourself why? Have you easier conversations to have first to be sure? Is there still a little spark that you have forgotten about over time, in anger, in complacency or are you genuinely ready?

There are many, many conversations I wish I’d had whilst or after looking the person in the eye. There are many conversations I regret not doing at the right time or for the right reasons in the right manner and many I can never repeat. They are gone and it’s too late but I can learn and I vow never to have a conversation of importance with someone without that eye contact.

The eyes are a gateway to the soul and you can have a very special moment with eyes and no words but the emotion lasts a lifetime or you can say a thousand words with just your eyes. You can say or read hello, help me, I love you, it’s over, I need you, I’m angry, I’m hurt, I’m happy, I’m lost and many many more emotions and no words need be said. Be present and see before you speak.

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