Control has always been a strength of mine but that means it’s also my greatest weakness. I have been a slave to my own need to control situations, people, the past, the present and the future. By being a slave to control I have lost control of all the important things that I should be doing, making decisions that don’t serve me or others and working so hard to control my future I’ve nearly destroyed it.
I have discovered that by trying to create a future I have actually stopped it being what it should be so I’m stepping back. Just a step but letting go of some things that I’m stressing over and if it’s meant to be it will happen, with or without me trying to decide what it looks like.
This is a new way of working for me and I know some people really won’t understand but I’ve never been one for doing what people expect and I know it is the right thing to do. I’m letting go of some things to see what they become when I let them go. That’s scarey and exciting and a little bit of bonkers all thrown in. I can’t wait.
I’ve been searching for home but whilst I hold onto that seven letter word control I will never find it. Home is in my heart and when I don’t love all that I do I don’t love me and when I don’t love me I’m not home. Therefore it holds out that when I let go of control and stop trying to make my future look a certain way I will love what life becomes and when I do that I begin to love what I do and who I do it with. With that I’m happy and with happy I love the person I become and am very definitely home.
So here’s to a few small changes, a little bit of insanity, a different way of thinking and doing and…. I have no idea what else but that’s kind of the point of letting go of control isn’t it.