If you’ve read other blogs from this week you will see that life is extremely good for me right now so why am I sat here feeling rather like the day outside, grey, flat and a bit like wanting a good cry like rain falling from the sky.
Because I’ve hit my ceiling…..
(I do just have to briefly interrupt myself there as I’m opposite the window to my front garden and a black and red woodpecker just appeared right in front of me. A first for the garden. Now that bought a smile to an otherwise miserable face.)
….. My unconscious mind has said, “life is really good right now what on earth do you think your doing enjoying it. You don’t deserve to be this happy. You shouldnt feel this good. Stop.”
Not so long ago I would have gone “quite right I will stop”, but thankfully that is no longer the woman I am and yes a couple of road bumps have been laid in front of me this week but do you know, I can see them, I can acknowledge they are higher than I would like but I have the ability to step right over them. A couple of them may need a longer run up but ultimately they are bumps in the road not permanent mountains, I can and I will get over them.
Why bother? Because like is good, life is mine to do with it what I want and I want the feeling I’ve had all week not this one. I give myself permission to wallow in self pity for a moment because it’s good to remind myself of the world I used to live in permanently but a moment is all I’m getting. I have hit my ceiling but it’s only made of my thoughts, my restrictions and I have the ability to remove it. Smash it into a million pieces.
I am strong. I am worthy. I am beautiful. I am worth loving. I am a woman who has come from the darkness to my sunshine and no one, especially me, is allowed to make me step back there. Come on day do your worst because your are messing with the wrong woman!